Hello. I've decided to write this because I simply can't keep it bottled up inside anymore. I've been married for several years now. We have three children; the oldest is eight. As it happens, our family doesn't have a place of our own. I'm the only one bringing in a steady paycheck, and it isn't much. I can't seem to save enough to even rent a decent apartment. My aunt, Sarah, took us in. She felt sorry for the kids, so she's letting us stay as long as we need to.
Don't get me wrong, my husband, Mark, works too, but every cent goes toward building materials. We bought a tiny plot of land and he's building a small house. We want a place of our own so badly—even if it's tiny, as long as it's ours. It helps that we don't have to pay contractors; Mark is handy and does all the work himself.
The years of our marriage have flown by. We've had our ups and downs, like anyone else. I could handle almost anything, but Mark occasionally hits me. He's a wonderful father, and the kids adore him. They get so excited whenever he comes home. Mark grew up without a father; his dad walked out on him and his mother when he was little. Maybe his mom never explained to him that you don't lay a hand on a woman. Because of his temper, my body is often covered in bruises that take forever to fade.
I met Mark back in high school; he's a few years older than I am. We didn't even date for that long before I felt like he was my Prince Charming. Before the wedding, he was so attentive, always showering me with gifts. I never would have dreamed he was such a tyrant. In the beginning, everything was peaceful. It all started after our first child was born.
I was home alone all the time with no help. I was exhausted and asked him if he could watch the baby for a bit so I could go grab a coffee with a friend. He flew into a rage and punched me right in the ear. It was the first time. The pain and the hurt were beyond words. Needless to say, I didn't go anywhere.
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His aggression has only gotten worse over the years. It used to be rare, but now it's like he's lost his mind. Recently, he hit me hard just because I told him he shouldn't give our daughter salad straight out of the fridge because she might get sick. He struck me so hard I flew across the kitchen. I actually had to take a few days off work after that. I try so hard to please him, but he's never satisfied.
There was a truly horrific incident not long ago. The kids take swimming lessons, and after work, I drove them to their practice. When I got back, he was about to feed the baby cold oatmeal. I just told him that we had plenty of ways to warm it up, then I took the bowl to do it myself. The baby started fussing a little. Mark went ballistic and hit me so hard I thought my head was going to spin off. For what?
He looks for any excuse to start a fight and get physical. If I do his laundry without saying anything, he screams that I was snooping through his pockets. If I ask him first, he yells at me for being too blind to see his clothes are dirty. My bruises don't even have time to heal before new ones appear. I don't even have anyone to talk to. My parents live halfway across the country, and they wouldn't support me anyway. They believe that every family has its problems and that a husband and wife should settle things between themselves.
I can't tell my friends either because I don't have any left. Mark doesn't "allow" me to see anyone. This is how my life goes. I don't know how to keep living with this man, but I can't leave him. I have children, and they're so small. Who would want us? They love their father, and he loves them too.
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But my life is ruined forever. I don't feel happy or wanted at all. There are moments when I want to just drop everything and run as far as I can. I don't think it's good for the children to see their father beating their mother, either. Our youngest is already showing signs of trauma.
I recently got home from the hospital after staying there with the baby. Mark had left her unsupervised while I was at work, and she rolled over and fell, hitting her head on the floor. She ended up with a hematoma and multiple contusions. He didn't hit her, of course, but it was still his fault.
I realize I'm probably not going anywhere and that I'll keep living with him. I have to do it for my babies. Sometimes I want to hit him back. Should I tell my mother-in-law about his behavior? What if that just makes it worse? Please, tell me what to do.
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