"Why did you bring these stupid jeans? I specifically asked for a nice silk dress! And you show up with these ugly things like some total lowlife. What kind of husband did I end up with? You can't make a decent living, and you can't even please your wife," Chloe barked, slamming the door right in her husband's face.
Kevin scratched at the door, let out a playful little hum, and tried to lighten the mood.
"Honey, come on. I'll get you any dress you want. Just let me in. You know how much I love you."
"Go away! You're useless!" Chloe shouted from the other side of the apartment.
As her voice rose to a screech, the neighbors started banging on the pipes, signaling it was time to pipe down. She grumbled to herself for a few more minutes before finally unlocking the door. Kevin rushed in, looking relieved. She gave him a weary look and sighed.
"You really are an idiot, aren't you?"
"Whatever you say, sweetheart!" he chirped, pulling her close.
Neither of them found much real satisfaction in this kind of life, but they were used to it. To their friends and family, they looked like a pair of selfish eccentrics—which, in reality, they were. Kevin had never been a social kid; his only real friend growing up was his younger sister, Amy, who was five years his junior. His older brothers, Nick and Oscar, were proud of being the eldest and always kept their distance. Once they got married, they cut themselves off from the younger siblings almost entirely, only reaching out when absolutely necessary.
***
After high school, Kevin enrolled in a technical college to study engineering. However, by junior year, he started partying too hard and nearly flunked out. His parents stepped in just in time to help him finish, though he ended up graduating a year late. With his degree in hand, he landed a job at a local logistics firm. For him, there was no greater pleasure than sitting in the passenger seat of a truck, slowly sipping a beer and having a heart-to-heart with the driver on a long haul.
When it came to women, things were a disaster. Though he was desperate to win someone over, his awkward, loner personality didn't win him any fans. In his senior year, he got lucky and met a girl named Megan, an education major. They went to the movies and took long walks through the park. Kevin started thinking everything was finally going his way, but a ridiculous misunderstanding ruined his romantic plans.
One day, Kevin decided to ask Megan on a proper date to a new theater premiere. He sold his watch to afford two tickets, put on his best suit, and arrived at her dorm with a flourish. The girls in the lobby looked him up and down and started giggling.
"Oh, didn't you hear? She got married yesterday. We just got back from the reception—it was huge!"
"Married? But... we had plans. That can't be right," Kevin stammered, his face falling as he tried to process the news.
He handed his bouquet to one of the girls and turned on his heel, marching away. Halfway down the block, he remembered something and ran back.
"Here, I won't be needing these anymore," he said, shoving the theater tickets into their hands before sprinting off again.
Once he was out of sight, the girls burst into fits of laughter.
"He forgot it's April Fool's Day! I can't believe he actually fell for it. He didn't even think we were joking!"
Feeling like the whole world was against him, Kevin went home with a six-pack. Without a word to his parents, he locked himself in his room and downed five of them in a row. His head felt light, the weight on his chest lifted, and his heart finally stopped racing.
"To hell with her," he muttered bitterly, flopping face-down onto his bed. "Stupid, shallow girl."
Buried in his pillow, he imagined himself walking out of a luxury mansion with a breathtakingly beautiful woman on his arm. In his mind, Megan—that backstabbing traitor—watched them with tears in her eyes, begging for his forgiveness. Kevin just walked past, not even dignifying her with a glance.
After graduating, Kevin realized he was going to be a bachelor for a long time. His parents, especially his mother, started dropping hints that it was time to settle down. His older brothers and Amy had all started families of their own, while he stayed holed up in the apartment, hiding from everyone to avoid the inevitable questions.
"Kevin, when are you going to give us some good news? Where's your girlfriend? When are we getting grandkids?"
He would just get annoyed, wave them off, and grumble under his breath.
"Who says I have to get married? You'll find out when the time comes!"
When he turned twenty-eight, his sister-in-law, Lola, decided to take matters into her own hands. She set him up with a girl named Grace, who was also a teacher. It wasn't until two months after the wedding that Kevin found out Grace had been married before. When he confronted her about hiding her past, she just shrugged.
"So what? I tried it, it didn't work, and now I'm with you. What's the big deal?"
"So, am I just another 'test run' for you? Just passing through?" Kevin snapped, offended.
"Keep whining like that and you definitely will be," Grace shot back. "Look at yourself, honey. You've got nothing going for you. You don't make real money, and you're still hiding under your mother's wing. You should be thanking me for marrying you in the first place."
Kevin realized he'd lost the argument and chose to shut up. Grace wasn't the type to back down; she went straight for the jugular, which drove his overbearing mother—who was used to being the boss—absolutely crazy.
"I can't believe Lola brought this viper into our home!" his mother would seethe.
She never liked Lola much either, considering her a lazy gossip who liked to "assert her rights" whenever possible.
"Why does no one take me seriously?" Lola would complain. "My father is a Chief of Surgery, my mother is an award-winning principal, and my brother makes more than all of you combined! You couldn't dream of the paycheck he brings home!"
These shouting matches always ended the same way: Lola's husband, Nick, would puff up his chest and storm out of the house, not speaking to his wife for days. Kevin used to laugh when he heard his big brother was giving his wife the silent treatment again, but when Grace started pulling the same stunts, he began to wonder.
"Does anyone actually understand women? Nothing is ever right for them. They're never just... happy."
When Kevin found out Grace was pregnant, he was genuinely happy at first.
"Maybe she'll calm down once the baby is here. It's impossible to live with her right now with all the constant fighting."
The pregnancy went smoothly, but when the time came, the baby was stillborn. They later learned from doctors that they had a genetic incompatibility. They could successfully carry a girl, but a boy would either have severe complications or be lost. This news gave Kevin's mother the perfect excuse to blame Lola for the whole disaster.
"That girl! Not only did she set them up, she picked someone who couldn't even give my son an heir!"
Lola became persona non grata in his mother's house, but she couldn't have cared less.
"Thank God! Let them stay away. They always want something from me anyway. Let the other daughters-in-law deal with her. We're finally allowed to have a life of our own."
***
Two years later, Grace gave birth to a daughter they named Phoebe. The girl was the spitting image of her mother—dark-haired and olive-skinned—but, much to the relief of Kevin's mother, she was perfectly healthy. Phoebe grew up incredibly spoiled, a carbon copy of Grace in both looks and attitude.
By the time she was five, she wouldn't hesitate to greet her father coming home after a few drinks with: "Oh, look, the town drunk is home. You're pathetic! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!"
Kevin would just beam at her as she stood there with her hands on her hips, looking up at him with angry little eyes.
"You're my beautiful little girl, aren't you? So smart. You always know when Daddy's had a long day. Look, sweetie, I brought you a doll," he'd say, pulling a large box from under his coat.
Her "duty" done, Phoebe would grab the toy and run off, forgetting her anger instantly. Grace, however, would pick up right where the child left off, using far more colorful language. When Kevin's mother heard how her daughter-in-law talked to her son, her blood boiled.
"He's a man! He's allowed to have a drink! Who do you think you are, talking to your husband like that?"
"Who am I?" Grace laughed in her face. "I'm the poor fool who married this loser. He can't fix a thing, I have to nag him just to get the trash taken out, and he won't even say hello to my mother properly! He brings home the cheapest groceries that are half-rotten, and then he sits there and counts every penny. 'I bought you stockings, I bought the girl a doll!' I'm sick of him!"
The mother went quiet. Kevin had always been stingy, even sending his own mother the bill for her medications or the morning paper.
***
When Phoebe turned twelve, Grace filed for divorce, deciding she'd rather be alone than tethered to a man who couldn't do anything without being told. The process was quick, and Kevin was ordered to pay minimal child support since he claimed to be unemployed. He immediately took the path of least resistance.
"Mom, I don't have a job. Your pension is big enough—you won't miss a couple hundred bucks a month. Help me out, I'm your son."
She couldn't say no. Though she was secretly resentful, her habit of putting her children on a pedestal won out. She paid the child support out of her own check until her granddaughter turned eighteen, despite the fact that she wanted nothing to do with the girl. This was largely Grace's doing; she spent years telling Phoebe what a nightmare life was with her father's family.
***
Phoebe eventually graduated with a degree in finance and got a job at a bank, where she met a guy. Six months later, they announced their engagement.
Kevin didn't go to the wedding. He didn't want to deal with his ex-wife's insults, and he certainly didn't want to spend money on a gift.
His daughter had fully inherited her mother's temperament. If her husband did even the smallest thing wrong, she would tear into him all night long, showing zero restraint.
However, her husband wasn't the type to sit quietly and take it, and they were divorced shortly after. Grace didn't even blink.
"He wasn't good enough for you anyway. So what if he works at a bank? He's not the CEO. He's just a loan officer—no future there. Forget him, honey, you'll find someone a thousand times better."
Phoebe listened, but the "better" man never showed up. No one was exactly lining up to fight for her heart. This started to worry Grace, who was beginning to feel her age and wanted to be a grandmother.
***
Eventually, Kevin reached out to his sister, Amy, for help.
"Look, you're a doctor, you know everyone. Can you set me up with someone? Someone who isn't picky and doesn't have kids. I'm bored living alone, and Mom is constantly on my case to do everything myself."
Amy promised to think about it and soon introduced him to Sarah: a divorced woman with no children, fifteen years younger than him. Her family wasn't wealthy, so the chance to set their daughter up with a man who owned his own place was a golden opportunity. The fact that he didn't have any young kids or a desire to start over as a father was a huge plus. It turned out Sarah couldn't have children due to a medical condition. She had tried before, but it never worked out, and she had no interest in trying again. On that, at least, they were perfectly aligned.
Whenever Kevin's family came over, Sarah would pretend she was heading out to work. She'd get dressed, put on her makeup, and walk out the door, making Kevin beg her to stay or ask when she'd be back. He'd promise to get rid of them quickly.
Sarah would just wave him off. "They're your family. You deal with them. I'm going out. I'll come back when they're gone. And tell them not to stay the night."
Kevin would swear they wouldn't. Sarah would only return once she was sure they had left.
Like Kevin, Sarah didn't mind a drink or two. After a few years together, they started buying booze in bulk to party all night. They'd turn off their phones for days. If Sarah did leave her phone on, she'd spend the night calling Kevin's sisters and cursing them out, taking out her frustrations with Kevin on them. At first, they stayed quiet out of respect for their brother. But after Sarah called their cousin, Stacy, and reduced her to tears, Stacy's older sister, Clara, showed up the next day. Clara was usually the calm, quiet one, but that day she was unrecognizable. Her face was flushed with rage as she nearly kicked their door in.
"Sarah, if you ever call one of us while you're drunk again, you're going to regret it! Do you hear me? We've put up with your nonsense for three years for Kevin's sake, but you've crossed the line. Am I clear?!"
Sarah, hungover and defiant, just smirked. Kevin never talked to her like that. She walked up to Clara, sneered, and spat at her feet.
"Here's what I think of you and your little threats. You'd better real—"
Before she could finish, Clara delivered a backhand that sent Sarah flying against the wall. Kevin stood frozen, paralyzed with shock, making no move to protect his wife from his livid sister. Clara grabbed her again, systematically landing hits while speaking in a terrifyingly calm voice.
"I am not going to repeat myself. If you get drunk, drown your phone or eat the SIM card, but don't you dare call us. Ever. The only reason you should call is if one of you is dead. Do you understand?"
Terrified, Sarah could only nod like a robot.
"Yes, Clara. Of course. No more calls, I swear."
From that day on, Sarah was nothing but polite whenever Clara was around, rushing to put the kettle on and set the table. She continued to ignore the rest of the family, though. She couldn't forgive Kevin for standing by and watching his sister beat her.
"You just stood there like a statue while she hit me. She's got hands like lead, my head is still throbbing. She's a monster. Just wait, I'll show her."
But there was nothing to show. Sarah eventually realized that Clara was the only person the brothers were actually afraid of. Since they were kids, everyone knew not to get on her bad side. She was strong, precise, and didn't back down. Though she preferred to settle things peacefully, if it came to a fight, she wasn't the one who was going to run.
"Honey, what could I do? If she saw me stepping in, she would have just hit you harder," Kevin told his brooding wife. "That's just how Clara is. No guy messes with her. She's like a bulldog—once she locks on, she doesn't let go until it's over. Just stay on her good side. You only see her once a year anyway."
Eventually, the family stopped visiting altogether, realizing nothing good came of it. After they'd leave, Kevin would usually call them up and whine: "Stop coming over so much. Let us just live our lives. Don't you have anything better to do than bother us? You can have tea and cake at your own house."
Sarah, meanwhile, would brag to her friends over drinks.
"My Kevin can't take his eyes off me. He waits for me like I'm the center of his universe. The second I walk in, he's following me around like a puppy. He doesn't need anyone but me."
Her friends would sigh with envy, their own husbands never showing that kind of devotion. And Kevin was just happy he had someone to kill the time with.
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