My sister is currently on maternity leave. She’s been married for years and is raising two kids with her husband. The four of them live entirely on his salary, so things are pretty tight for them financially. On top of that, they’re still renting. My sister used to call me every single day to complain that they couldn't afford the basics. She was constantly asking my mom or me for loans. No one ever turned her down, because we knew the money was going toward food for the kids.
My life with my husband was a different story: we lived comfortably and both had great salaries. Plus, my husband’s parents are quite wealthy and bought us an apartment. My husband was always against me helping my sister; he didn't see the point in constantly handing her money.
So, I started giving a little bit of cash to her and my nephews behind his back. My husband and I have been married for six years now. At first, we didn't plan on having children because we wanted to live for ourselves. But now, our relationship is at a breaking point. We’ve struggled to conceive, and then my husband dropped a bombshell:
"If we don’t have a child, I’ll find someone else. Someone who is actually capable of becoming a mother."
We tried countless treatments and procedures, visiting the most expensive specialists, but nothing worked. I realized there was only one option left: find a woman who would agree to be a surrogate for us. The idea of doing such a thing with a complete stranger terrified me, so I made an offer to my sister in exchange for a house.
"What are you even saying?" she replied. "I barely made it through two pregnancies; I’ve had enough. I’m not enduring nine months of that again..."
My sister refused to be swayed, and we never brought up the subject again. Our relationship stayed the same, and I continued to slip her a little money here and there.
***
Eventually, a private clinic found us a wonderful woman who agreed to our proposal. We actually ended up saving a lot of money because the fee was significantly less than the value of a house. When the woman was four months pregnant, I found out that my sister was also expecting. I was stunned. She had sworn to me that she was done having kids. When she asked me for money again, I said no.
After that, we stopped talking altogether. As soon as I stopped helping her, the phone calls ceased. I didn't have time to worry about it, anyway—I was busy preparing for the birth of my baby.
My mother couldn't care less about my newborn daughter. But my sister’s son—the "only" grandson—completely melted Grandma’s heart. Meanwhile, my sister’s husband started having trouble at work. Throughout her nine-month pregnancy, my sister was frequently in the hospital, and her husband drove his boss crazy with constant time off and missed quotas. And who did my broke, mother-of-three sister remember? That’s right—her older sister, the "sucker" with the bottomless wallet.
I’m over it. She should have thought about this before having another baby. Why should I be the one providing for her family? If I didn't have the money, I wouldn't have permitted myself the luxury of three children. Now even my mom is pestering me, wanting my husband and me to give my sister a place to live.
"Have a heart," she says. "You have two properties, and your sister has three kids and a rental. Can’t you share?"
I know they have problems, but I have a daughter now whose future is my responsibility. I realize that aside from my husband and me, no one else is going to look out for her.
Every night I think about my nephews; I feel sorry for the kids. Part of me wants to help my sister. But at the same time, I know that if I do, this burden will be around my neck for the rest of my life.
What should I do in this situation?
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