"That's it, Jane! I got my second shot today!" Mark announced gleefully as he walked through the front door. "I'm heading straight for the couch to veg out all day."
His wife stared at him, blinking in pure shock. Then, with a hint of dread in her voice, she asked, "When on earth did you get the first one?"
"A while ago. I didn't tell you because I knew you were so against the vaccine. But now? I'm not worried about a thing!"
"Are you out of your mind?!" Instead of sharing his joy, Jane let out a groan of despair. "Haven't you heard what the experts—the real experts—are saying about this stuff? Do you have any idea what people are reporting?"
"It's just a bunch of bored gossips talking nonsense," Mark chuckled. "They believe every rumor they hear and then try to mess with everyone else's heads. It'll be fine, Jane. I'm not exactly the first person to do it. Heck, even the President got his shots."
"Oh, don't be so naive," she groaned even louder. "You really think they poked him with the same thing they gave you?"
"Well, what else would it be?" Mark asked, genuinely surprised.
"I don't know what, but it definitely wasn't the same thing!" Jane sat down next to her husband and stared at him with a look of profound misery. "What am I supposed to do now? How am I going to save you?"
"Jane, please, don't panic," Mark said, trying to sound as soothing as possible. "You're talking me into a fever here."
"It's not my talking, it's your stupidity." Jane looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Listen, Mark... you have that savings account at the credit union..."
"Yeah, so?" he nodded.
"You need to withdraw everything. Right now."
"Why would I do that?"
"Why? Because if something happens to you, I'll have to wait a year for probate before they let me touch a dime!"
"Are you kidding me?" Mark stared at her in disbelief. "Are you really writing me off already? Just like that?"
"You're the one who wrote yourself off!" she cried. "Come on, get your phone out, log into the app, and move the money. Transfer it to my account immediately."
"Get away from me!" Mark snapped, finally losing his patience. "You've completely lost it! Don't start digging my grave before I'm even sick. I'll probably outlive you now, you hear me?"
"Don't yell, Mark, don't yell." Jane suddenly jumped up from the couch and snatched a digital thermometer from the medicine cabinet. "Here, take your temperature. And... how's your breathing? Can you still smell things?"
"Ugh..." Mark looked annoyed, but he took the thermometer and tucked it under his arm anyway. "I ought to give you a piece of my mind..."
"It's okay, honey, it's okay. I'm going to check your temperature every hour. And if anything changes, we'll transfer the money right away. Deal?"
Mark remained indignantly silent. After a few minutes, he pulled out the thermometer and handed it to her.
"There. Look."
"It seems normal for now," she muttered. "Fine, just stay there and rest. Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't hit you. But if you feel anything, you call me immediately. I'm going to the kitchen to call my mother."
"Go ahead, call her. Give the old lady some good news," Mark said, turning his face toward the back of the couch so he wouldn't have to look at her.
"What good news?" Jane asked, feigning ignorance.
"Oh, like you don't know," Mark sneered. "She's been waiting for years for me to kick the bucket and leave you 'free.' I only got the shot so she wouldn't have any reason to get her hopes up."
"Oh, you're so mean, Mark," Jane said reproachfully as she hurried into the kitchen.
***
About fifteen minutes later, Mark drifted off into a nap. He woke up an hour later to the sound of loud, animated chatter drifting in from the kitchen.
"The vulture has landed..." Mark grumbled, recognizing his mother-in-law's voice.
The two women were briskly discussing the latest health news and rumors—who had caught what, and whether it was even possible to survive in such a fragile world.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, his mother-in-law asked, "Does Mark have a decent suit? You know, something nice enough to be buried in?"
"Oh, Mom, don't start that again," Jane's voice drifted back.
"We have to think about these things now while there's still time!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"Mom, his temperature is perfectly normal."
"And haven't you heard how it happens? One minute you're fine, and the next morning—cold as a stone."
Mark couldn't take it anymore. He started to get up, ready to storm into the kitchen and give his mother-in-law a piece of his mind, but the front door suddenly swung open and his son's voice rang out:
"Hey, Grandma! Hey, Mom, guess what? I got my COVID shot today."
Silence fell over the kitchen for several long seconds.
Then, his mother-in-law's voice cracked: "Sweetie, why? You're only twenty years old..."
"Oh, why are you both leaving me all alone?!" Jane suddenly wailed.
Mark, feeling a surge of pride in his son, lay back down on the couch and tucked his hands behind his head.
"Dad, what's up with Mom?" his son asked, sticking his head into the room.
"Don't mind her," Mark chuckled. "But hey, listen... you're the one who usually helps her with her online accounts, right?"
"Yeah," his son nodded.
"Log in for her. Right now. And sign her up for a vaccination appointment. Use her name and just get it done."
"On it!" the boy laughed.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jane continued to mourn her husband and son, completely unaware of what was coming.
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