I had been looking forward to this day with so much nervous energy. To be honest, I was terrified. Would I make a good impression on my boyfriend's boss and colleagues? But really, the only thing that mattered was that Eric himself liked how I looked. And that he didn't get cold feet about marrying me.
I spun around in front of the mirror one last time, then closed my eyes and imagined what our wedding would be like. Unforgettable. Romantic. Perfect in every way.
"Where are you off to, girl?" My roommate, Sarah, interrupted my daydreaming. "Judging by that dreamy look and that stunningly elegant dress, this is definitely a date. Come on, spill—who is he? Do I know him?"
"Of course you know him. It's Eric!" I answered ecstatically. "Tomorrow is his company's holiday party, and he's introducing me to his coworkers as his future wife."
"Hmm... That's a shame," Sarah muttered. "You still haven't figured him out..."
Sarah walked back to her room. I didn't pay much attention to her words. She could think whatever she wanted. All that mattered to me was that he was finally ready for a serious commitment. He had finally realized that I was the one he needed (hopefully, the only one). And now, he'd surely stop vanishing from my life for months at a time, leaving me unable to even call him, hear his thrilling voice, or know what was happening in his life. Now, he would belong to me alone. What more could I need to be happy?
I prepared for this party as if it were the most important event of my life. A new dress, stiletto heels, a gorgeous hairstyle, professional makeup, a flawless manicure—a guy like Eric deserved the best woman by his side.
"And I'm going to be that woman! I want him to be proud of me and never regret his choice," I thought. I was determined. My emotions were overflowing. I hadn't felt this much anxiety even back when I was applying to Ivy League schools, knowing the competition was fierce. Because love is the most important thing in life, the most beautiful thing.
I've known Eric for a very long time, all the way back to elementary school. We were in the same class from first grade. But my special feelings for him didn't develop until much later, during our senior year of high school.
He won me over with the way he recited poetry. He did it with such feeling, such inspiration, completely capturing the emotion and rhythm of the piece. In English class, Eric was the best. Later, I found out he even wrote some pretty good poetry himself. It seemed so romantic.
To get his attention, I constantly approached him with questions about literature, asking for advice or help with homework. I tried to time things so we would walk home from school together. Essentially, I made sure I was always in his line of sight, surrounding him with interest and care.
Eric seemed to reciprocate. I wasn't sure if he felt anything for me back in school, but the fact that we were friends and always hung out together became a major source of gossip. People said we were dating. I was thrilled by the rumors. "Maybe," I thought, "this talk will help Eric see me in a new light—something more interesting than just a good friend." However, we graduated high school still holding that "friend" status.
***
Then came college... and that's where things got more interesting. The first touches, the first kiss... though, I have to say, it was a bit strange. It was more like Eric allowed me to kiss him rather than him kissing me. Back then, I thought he was just shy or nervous. Maybe he didn't have much experience. Who knew that wasn't the reason at all...
Even though I had been in love with Eric for years and all our old and new friends knew it, that didn't stop other guys from chasing me. Among all my admirers, Mark was the most persistent—a tall, well-built guy with expressive brown eyes, jet-black hair, an open smile, and a cheerful personality. Plenty of girls dreamed about him, but for some reason, he chose me. Mark didn't just flirt; he followed me to every party and student mixer, even places he wasn't supposed to be. He joined the drama club and worked on the campus newspaper just because of me. While the girls who liked him would sigh dreamily when he walked by, I would just get angry: "How dare he? This guy knows I love someone else, yet he won't leave me alone. The last thing I need is to get into a fight with Eric over this misunderstanding." However, Eric wasn't bothered at all; if anything, he seemed amused. He never missed a chance to joke about it, and for some inexplicable reason, he even tried to help Mark win me over.
"Why are you doing this?" I would constantly protest. "Why are you making fun of me? Can't you see this drives me crazy and makes me furious?"
"I don't see why," Eric would answer naively. "He's a good-looking guy, handsome, interesting. Look how many girls are chasing him, doing everything they can to get his attention. And here you are, turning up your nose at him!"
It was hard for me to understand why the person I loved would say such things. Did he really want to get rid of me? It was just absurd. If that were the case, he could have just said so directly.
I chalked Eric's comments up to his quirky sense of humor. But the teasing and jokes weren't the end of it. My "crush" started hanging out with Mark more and more. Wherever we went, he'd invite Mark to join us. Furthermore, Eric began actively helping his new friend catch up on his coursework. And that would have been fine, if their "bromance" hadn't started getting in the way of my time with Eric. The closer the guys became, the less Eric spoke to me.
"Don't you think you two are seeing each other a bit too much? I'm starting to get jealous," I'd ask Eric jokingly.
"It's just temporary," he'd justify. "I can't just refuse to help him. Once he passes his exams, he'll be on his way!"
But the "exams" never seemed to end. I tried every trick in the book to drive the new friend away. Nothing worked. Honest conversations and pleas to spend less time with my admirer—who was still trying to win me over—didn't yield the desired results either. The climax came on Eric's birthday, to which, among other friends, he naturally invited Mark. The celebration was loud, fun, and featured a typical college-level amount of alcohol. My persistent admirer overdid it and reached a state of total incoherence. Like a loyal friend, Eric hoisted him onto his shoulders and carried him to a bedroom.
"Let the guy sleep it off for a bit. That usually helps," the birthday boy said before disappearing behind the door.
Thirty or forty minutes passed, and Eric still hadn't returned. "Maybe Mark is really sick. What if he needs help?" I got worried and headed toward the room where the guys were. When I opened the door, I froze... It looked like my boyfriend was trying to kiss his friend—and my admirer—on the lips. This was nonsense!
What I saw shocked me. I mechanically closed the door and went back to the living room. My brain wasn't working; my thoughts were scattered. Everything was a blur. It was so hard to process what my eyes had seen. My mind refused to understand.
The party was in full swing. But I was the only one not having fun. "That can't be right! I must have imagined it... He's my boyfriend! He's kissed me, told me I'm sexy... that I'm the only woman who excites him and there probably won't be another. But what if..." My train of thought was interrupted by Eric.
"Elara, honey, why are you all alone? Are you bored? Come on, let's dance."
"How is Mark feeling?" I interrupted. "I hope everything is okay?"
"Yeah, of course! The guy just had a bit too much to drink."
"I thought he was in really bad shape. I almost thought you were giving him mouth-to-mouth..." I commented sarcastically.
"You're such a joker!" Eric burst out laughing. "The things you come up with! Mouth-to-mouth for a hangover?"
He laughed loudly, and I looked at him in surprise. His reaction was so convincing that I again began to doubt what I had seen.
"Are you saying you didn't kiss Mark?" I asked him point-blank. Eric stood frozen.
"Actually, no. The thought never even crossed my mind. Why? Should I have?"
He seemed genuinely shocked by my sensational claim. I felt horribly ashamed of my bizarre suspicions.
"It's a joke," I said, putting on a silly smile to justify myself. "A bad one, admittedly. Sorry..."
We danced, and I naively blinked my eyes. Eric didn't push the subject; he wasn't angry or offended. "He's so smart!" I thought. "No reproaches, no scenes... He's so understanding, so wise... If I were in his shoes, I would have thrown a fit."
Of course, it was stupid to be jealous. But I wanted more attention. I wanted Eric to always be by my side. Maybe I was just being selfish...
The party ended. The guests left. Eric and I said a sweet goodbye, and I went home, suspecting nothing.
***
Graduating college really was the starting point for major changes in my life, including my relationship with Eric. Or rather, the total lack of one. Two years had passed since graduation. In that time, I had only seen him once, but that didn't stop me from loving him as much as ever.
He had reappeared a year after graduation. He looked very sad, depressed, and disappointed.
"I missed you so much, Elara!" he said mournfully. "I don't know how I lived without you for so long. You're the most precious person to me. The only one I trust completely, the one I'm 100% sure of. You're the best!"
Those words fueled my passion. He just kept talking... He stroked my hair, gently kissed my lips and shoulders, and then... he vanished again.
The separation was killing me. But most of all, I suffered from the uncertainty. Eric had walked out of my life again without explanation, without a word. He just disappeared. No calls, no meetings. Nothing. My attempts to find him and talk were unsuccessful. Sarah, my longtime roommate, sympathized with me and kept telling me to get him out of my head, trying to convince me he was a jerk. But I didn't want to listen. It felt like there had to be a logical explanation for Eric's behavior.
"Maybe he's sick," I argued with Sarah. "Or maybe he's just swamped at work."
"Right. And the phones coincidentally stopped working, too," she replied ironically. "It's all nonsense, and you know it!"
Of course, it was nonsense. But my heart loved him. Deeply. Passionately. Strongly. Selflessly. I knew perfectly well I was making excuses for Eric, but I wanted to keep dreaming about him.
***
Our next meeting was just as unexpected as the last. He showed up at my door exactly one year later. He looked cheerful, happy, and satisfied with life.
"Elara, you look gorgeous!" he said enthusiastically, hugging and kissing me. "Sunshine, I missed you so much!"
Eric told me how hard he had worked all year to get a promotion. He spoke of how often he wanted to see me, but he just hadn't had any time.
"You're my best friend, Elara!" he added with special warmth. "The very best! I want to invite you to my company party and ask you to come as my fiancée, my future wife."
Hearing those words, I stopped understanding anything. My dream, my love, was proposing to me?! Even if it was a bit unconventional, original, after almost two years apart... God! That meant he loved me! I was incredibly thrilled.
"So, what do you say, wifey? Will you come with me?" Eric asked playfully.
"Of course, hubby," I replied, feeling a bit shy.
By the time Eric came to pick me up, I was ready. My eyes were sparkling, I had a huge smile on my face, and my mood was fantastic. After all, this was the most significant day of my life!
When we arrived at the party, Eric proudly introduced me to his boss:
"The best woman in my life," he announced loudly, with a bit of drama.
"Nice to meet you," Mr. Peterson replied kindly. "I see you're as successful in love as you are in business. My heartiest congratulations!"
Eric was happy, and so was I. When the evening ended, he invited me to a small bistro.
"Let's go grab a coffee. I have a surprise for you," he said, looking a bit nervous. "Maybe he wants to discuss our future?" I wondered.
We were drinking coffee and chatting sweetly when suddenly a handsome blond guy sat down at our table.
"Elara, I'd like you to meet Steven. He's my... partner," Eric said. "We've been dating for eight months."
I had not expected that turn of events at all. We drove back in silence.
First, we dropped Steven off at his place. When we were finally alone, I asked:
"What was the point of that whole circus? Explain yourself! You were playing with me! That's so cruel!"
"Elara, what are you talking about? I told you, you're my best friend!"
"Then why didn't you tell me about your relationship sooner? Why didn't you take your 'partner' Steven to the party?" I wouldn't let it go. "Why? Answer me!"
What could a person say after using me so deviously? That his boss didn't approve of same-sex relationships? That his colleagues wouldn't take him seriously? That he was trying to be "honest" with me while kissing me and telling me what a stunning woman I was? The best...
I cried like a fool into my pillow all night. But, to my surprise, along with the tears, the insane passion for the man who had deceived me for so many years vanished. Now, there was no love or hate left for Eric in my soul.
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