James and Emily decided that it was best for them to get a divorce.
They never had children, and perhaps that’s why their marriage, even after twenty years together, began to fall apart at the seams.
— How are we going to divide the property? — Emily asked, giving her husband a sly look.
James furrowed his brow, lost in thought for a moment, then forced something resembling a smile and said:
— We’re not going to divide it. I think I’ll leave everything to you.
— Everything? — Emily looked into James’s eyes with disbelief. — Are you serious?
— Yes, — he nodded. — What’s the big deal?
— The whole apartment — to me alone?
— Well, yeah…
— But you don’t have anywhere else to live. Are you planning to move to the summer house after the divorce?
— No, of course not… — James chuckled.
— Then where?
— I don’t know yet. I’ll rent something for now, and later… I’ll buy a small house on the outskirts of town. Something affordable.
— Oh… So you’ve thought about this before? — Emily muttered, clearly displeased. — You’ve been planning this?
— I’ve thought about it sometimes…
— And how are you going to buy a house? — Emily frowned. — Are you going to sell your car?
— No. I’m leaving the car to you too.
— What do you mean, to me? — Emily’s surprise grew even more. — Are you saying you’re giving me everything?
— Yes. Everything-everything-everything.
— Even the summer house?
— Uh-huh.
— And the garage?
— Of course.
— But why? What’s the reason? This is all suspicious…
— There’s nothing suspicious about it. I’m a man, after all. And a man must, above all, have honor and dignity. He should rise above the material madness that’s consumed humanity. A man must remain a man in any situation.
— Have you lost your mind?! — A look of deep concern suddenly appeared on Emily’s face. — Nobody even uses words like that anymore, and here you are bringing them up… Please stop pretending to be some kind of saint! Come back down to earth right now, or I’ll call an ambulance for you!
— Is that a joke? — James asked cheerfully.
— No, it’s not a joke! — Emily replied sternly. — I demand that we, as modern people, split everything equally. I don’t want people pointing fingers at me or whispering behind my back that I kicked you out with nothing.
— Emily, — James said gently, — trust me, I don’t want to get into this foolish, petty fight over dividing things. Just think about it — first selling the apartment, then splitting the money, buying new places to live… No, spare me. Take the apartment and move in whoever you want tomorrow. Want me to move out today? I can.
— Good Lord! — Emily cried out. — What are you saying?! Do you think I’m some heartless woman? That I could live happily knowing my ex-husband is languishing in some slum? No, darling, here’s the deal. If you don’t want to deal with the apartment, I’ll take it, but you get everything else.
— No! — James interrupted Emily, but she stood her ground.
— You’ll quickly sell the car and the summer house — they’re both new and valuable — and buy yourself decent housing. Then I’ll be able to live without feeling ashamed.
— Emily, stop it! — James winced as if in pain. — Stop it right now! You know my masculine pride won’t let me do what you’re suggesting.
— Why not?! — Emily suddenly snapped. — What, are you better than everyone else? Remember how our friends, the Thompsons, handled their divorce? Do you?
— Horrible… — James grimaced. — It was a nightmare…
— Or the Wilsons. What a spectacular divorce they had!
— Don’t remind me! — James shuddered in disgust. — They still can’t agree on who gets the coffee maker and who gets the coffee grinder… Do you really want that kind of circus?
— I want us to split our property equally. Every last penny — equally.
— No, darling, I can’t let myself put on that kind of show. My heart would burst from shame… Oh…
James suddenly clutched his side, as his heart genuinely began to ache.
He broke out in a cold sweat, closed his eyes in fear, gripped his left side tightly with his hand, froze for a few seconds, then, with effort, took a deep breath and… woke up.
In the complete darkness, a clock ticked loudly. Emily was snoring unpleasantly beside him, and James instantly remembered that last night they had agreed to get a divorce.
Finally realizing that the whole absurd scenario — leaving all the property to his wife — was just a dream, he let out a sigh of relief, rolled over to the other side, and muttered angrily under his breath:
— Yeah, right… Leave you the whole apartment… Keep dreaming… We’ll see who gets what… We’re splitting everything… Every last penny…
And with those sweet thoughts, James drifted back to sleep…
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