Mark and Sarah had decided it was best to get a divorce.
They never had any children, which was likely why their marriage—even after twenty years—was finally coming apart at the seams.
"How are we going to split everything up?" Sarah asked, giving her husband a sly, calculating look.
Mark furrowed his brow, thinking for a moment. Then, a faint trace of a smile appeared on his face as he spoke.
"We aren't. I'm thinking of leaving it all to you."
"All of it?" Sarah stared into Mark's eyes, bewildered. "Are you serious?"
"Yes," he nodded. "What's the big deal?"
"The whole house—just for me?"
"Well, yeah..."
"But you don't have another place to stay. What are you going to do after the divorce? Live at the lake house?"
Mark let out a short laugh. "No, of course not."
"Then where?"
"I don't know yet. I'll rent for a while, and then... I'll buy a small place on the outskirts of town. Something affordable."
"Oh... so you've thought about this more than once?" Sarah muttered, sounding annoyed. "You've been planning this ahead of time?"
"It crossed my mind occasionally."
"And what are you going to buy this house with?" Sarah frowned. "Are you going to sell your car?"
"No. I'm leaving the car to you, too."
"To me?" Sarah was even more stunned. "Are you saying you're leaving me everything?"
"Yes. Every single thing."
"The vacation home, too?"
"Mm-hmm."
"And the garage?"
"Naturally."
"But why? What for? This is all very suspicious..."
"There's nothing suspicious about it. I'm a man, Sarah. And a man, above all else, should have a sense of honor and nobility. He should be above this material madness that's consumed the world. A man has to remain a man, no matter the circumstances."
"Have you lost your mind?!" A look of genuine alarm suddenly crossed Sarah's face. "Nobody even uses words like that anymore, and here you are... Please, stop acting like some kind of martyr! Get your head out of the clouds and come back to the real world, or I'm calling you an ambulance!"
"Is that a joke?" Mark asked cheerfully.
"No, it's not a joke!" Sarah replied sternly. "I demand that we split everything down the middle like modern people. I won't have people pointing fingers at me or whispering behind my back that I kicked you out onto the street with nothing to your name."
"Sarah," Mark said gently, "believe me, I don't want to get dragged into some petty, ugly squabble over property. Just think about it—first we have to sell the house, then split the cash, then find new places... No, spare me the headache. Take the house, and you can bring whoever you want in here starting tomorrow. Do you want me to move out tonight? Just say the word."
"Good grief!" Sarah cried out. "What are you talking about? Do you think I'm some heartless woman? That I could live happily ever after knowing my ex-husband is hoveling it in the slums? No, honey, let's do it this way. If you don't want to deal with the house, I'll take it, but you get everything else."
"No!" Mark tried to cut her off, but she stood her ground.
"You'll quickly sell the car and the lake house—thankfully they're both new and worth a lot—and you'll buy yourself a decent place to live. Only then will I be able to live in peace without being eaten alive by shame."
"Sarah, stop!" Mark winced as if he had a sudden toothache. "Stop it right now! Don't you understand that my pride as a man won't let me do what you're suggesting?"
"Why won't it?!" Sarah snapped, suddenly angry. "Do you think you're better than everyone else? Do you remember how our friends, the Millers, handled their divorce? Do you remember that?"
"God..." Mark winced. "That was a nightmare."
"Or the Thompsons. What a spectacular disaster that divorce was!"
"Don't remind me!" Mark actually shuddered with legal disgust. "They still can't agree on who gets the espresso machine and who gets the grinder... Do you really want that kind of performance from us?"
"I want us to divide our property equally. Every cent—fifty-fifty."
"No, darling, I can't put myself through a show like that. My heart would break from the sheer embarrassment... Oh..."
Mark suddenly clutched his side as a sharp pang actually shot through his chest.
He broke out into a cold sweat and closed his eyes in fear, his hand gripping his left side tightly. He froze in that position for a few seconds, then managed to force a deep, ragged breath... and woke up.
***
The clock ticked loudly in the total darkness. His wife was snoring unpleasantly beside him, and Mark instantly remembered that they had agreed to get a divorce just last night.
Finally realizing that all that nonsense—about leaving all the property to his wife—had been a dream, he let out a sigh of relief. He rolled over onto his other side and whispered spitefully into the dark:
"Yeah, right... Like I'm giving you the whole house... In your dreams. We'll see who ends up with what... We're splitting everything. Every last cent."
And with those sweet thoughts, Mark drifted back to sleep.
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