I've always followed your column and read it whenever I get a chance. Just recently, I came across a story about infidelity, which is why I've decided to share my own. Maybe someone out there will look at a woman's affair from a different perspective instead of immediately casting stones. I just want people to understand that sometimes, desperation is what drives a person to stray. That is exactly what happened to me.
I've been married for a long time—nearly twenty years. We've been through everything together. I wouldn't say it's been all bad, but it hasn't been smooth sailing either. The one thing that has cast a shadow over my life all these years is my husband's relentless cheating. We have two children, so on the surface, it looked like we had a successful life. For the longest time, I never even entertained the thought of being unfaithful myself, even though I was constantly confronted with his betrayals.
However, a few years ago, everything changed fundamentally. Back when my husband, Mike, was at least trying to be discreet, I could somehow find a way to forgive him. But then he grew so bold that he became downright Shameless. One day, he told me he was being sent away on a business trip to Chicago. I was packing his suitcase for him, and when I unzipped a side pocket in his garment bag, I found two tickets. Why would he need two? As it turned out, he was planning to fly out with his mistress. I had no idea he could be that brazen. It was incredibly painful and insulting.
A lot of men think a wife's infidelity is the worst thing that can happen. But not one of them truly understands what a woman feels when her husband betrays her. I'll tell you exactly what it feels like: it's pure pain, humiliation, and total disillusionment. Every woman who truly loves her husband goes through this. The ache becomes so intense that you feel like you can't even breathe. And yet men think they are the only ones who suffer when a spouse wanders. No woman sets out to make sure her husband finds out about her affair—unless, of course, she has a very specific reason. In that case, she might want him to know, just so he can feel every bit of the agony he put her through.
***
When Mike got back from his trip, he strolled into the house like nothing had happened. I lit into him right at the front door, telling him exactly what I thought. He looked me in the eye and told me there was nothing going on, that I was just "making things up in my head." It hurt so much because I knew he was lying to my face. But our youngest son was still just a toddler, so I gritted my teeth and pretended to believe him. I knew perfectly well he hadn't broken it off with her. Inside, my heart started to go numb; I stopped feeling anything for him.
This has been going on for over seven years now; my husband is essentially living a double life with two families. Over these years, I have become completely disillusioned with him. There isn't a drop of love or tenderness left in my soul for this man. To be honest, he'd always treated me with a fair amount of indifference, but lately, it's reached a breaking point. I work and I live for my kids. Of course, Mike was always the primary breadwinner, while I handled the house and the children. He got so arrogant that he actually told me that since he provides for the family, he has the right to spend his free time with whoever he wants. Can you imagine the nerve?
***
I couldn't take it anymore. The kids were older, and I had made up my mind to leave him. Around that time, I ran into someone from my past—an old flame named David. He was with his wife. I stood there and watched the way he took care of her, the way he looked at her. I had never received that kind of devotion from my husband. I felt such a surge of resentment. That is how a real man is supposed to treat the woman he loves. Later, David and I crossed paths again by pure chance, and I ended up pouring my heart out to him about my life. He was so sympathetic, so kind... and eventually, we ended up sleeping together.
I just wanted to feel wanted for once. It went on for a few months until Mike found out about the affair. He caused a massive scene, screaming that he was finished with me and was moving in with his mistress. The stress was so bad I ended up in the hospital, literally hovering between life and death. But in a strange way, it was worth it, because for the first time in years, I heard Mike say he loved me. Hearing those words meant everything to me. I don't know what the future holds, but for right now, I'm happy.
I realize I committed a great sin by cheating on my husband. If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't do it again. I feel a deep sense of shame regarding David's wife, too, though I have no idea if she ever found out.
I'm just letting things take their course now, whatever will be, will be. Please, don't judge me too harshly.
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