Once upon a time, I had my own family, and my husband and I were happy. That is, until our child was born.
After that, he somehow distanced himself from me, started spending time with friends, staying late at work. No, I don’t think there was another woman involved. He just turned out to be an irresponsible father. But as soon as our child grew a bit older, he started taking him fishing, going to soccer games. And he completely forgot about all my sleepless nights, when I stayed up with our child, comforting him as he cried, just so he wouldn’t wake his dear father.
But our child grew up and turned into a fine young man, a fully independent teenager, much to his mother’s joy. His father and I divorced a few years ago, and I’m content with my decision. It’s one of the few choices in my life that I wouldn’t change for anything. I used to be a completely different person; my life felt like walking on pins and needles. Everything was on my shoulders—I worked, took care of the child, and somehow managed to keep the house spotless.
Now I’m alone, and I don’t want to strive for anything new, meaning relationships no longer interest me. My life is much calmer now, and I want to dedicate it to myself. Before, I bent over backward trying to please my husband, to look good for him, all while maintaining a polished appearance at work. We had a company where you could easily get fired if you didn’t meet their standards.
Looking back, I realize I should have been smarter and let my husband step up. But he saw me carrying everything on my own and didn’t feel the need to take charge. And now, I’ve just remembered an unbelievable story that I’m still ashamed of to this day, one I especially don’t want my son to find out about.
I had an intimate relationship with my boss. He threatened to fire me, and I felt I had no other choice. By that point, I was already disillusioned with my husband and quickly realized that if I lost my job, he wouldn’t support us. He’d just run back to his mother’s apron strings, leaving me and my son to fend for ourselves.
And that’s exactly what happened later—my husband did abandon us when I was left without a livelihood. But that’s not the point right now. I quit my job the moment I made the final payment for my son’s education loan. Sleeping with my boss was disgusting, and I’m not proud of it, if only because he treated me like an object. He never asked if it was convenient for me.
He’d just summon me to his office.
— I’d say there’s a ton of work right now, and it’d be better to meet another time.
But he’d constantly intimidate me, playing on my fears of losing my job. One time, he even demoted me on purpose. That happened when I tried to say no. I immediately went to his office and told him I’d changed my mind. By the end of the workday, my position was reinstated.
I know it’s pointless to tell my friends or complain to anyone. My family was raised in a way that they’d definitely blame me, saying I provoked it all. It looked even more immoral considering my boss was five years younger than me. Looking back on my past life, I so badly want to pity myself for not finding the strength to refuse him right away and for enduring it time and again.
Naively, I thought at some point he’d get tired of me and find another victim. And if you’re thinking I got some kind of special treatment at work because of it, you’re mistaken. I worked just as hard as everyone else.
All I got for sleeping with him was that he didn’t fire me, didn’t dock my bonuses, and didn’t demote me. I had to justify myself to him in front of everyone, even for things I didn’t do. He explained his nitpicking as “keeping up appearances.”
— I act this way so no one suspects there’s anything between us, he’d say.
I just couldn’t take it anymore and quit, which, by the way, I don’t regret.
Now I’ve rid my life of two things—a useless husband and a harassing boss.
0 comments