Good afternoon! I really love this column; I read it all the time and truly feel for the people who share their stories. That's why I decided to write in, hoping that at least someone out there won't judge me. Honestly, I don't feel like I've done anything terrible, but I know society tends to see things differently. So, here goes!
I graduated from college a year ago and landed a job teaching at a local high school. Objectively speaking, I'm quite attractive, so I've never really had trouble with the opposite sex. I teach English, which I think adds a bit of academic charm to my persona. I constantly catch the older boys staring at me, but that's to be expected. Students have been crushing on young teachers since the dawn of time. When I was in school, I was head over heels for our physics teacher. He never gave me any reason to think it was mutual, of course, but every girl in class couldn't take their eyes off him. We even pushed ourselves to ace our labs just to get a word of praise from him.
So much has been written in novels and shown in movies about the "teacher-student" connection, yet the situation never fails to stir people up.
Anyway, I'm getting distracted. In one of my senior classes, there's a particular student. He's a bit shy and awkward, and his name is Gary. I noticed early on that during my lectures, he wasn't just checking me out like the other guys; he was devouring me with his eyes. It gave me the distinct impression that he was seeing right through my clothes.
Physically, he's very handsome—tall, well-built, with these deep dimples and a stunning smile. And his eyes! If only you could see his eyes. Long story short, I found myself very attracted to him, too.
I decided to look up his social media profiles to see what his life was like outside of school. After a bit of digging, I finally found his Instagram. I clicked on it and was immediately hooked. There were plenty of photos of him hanging out with friends, but not a single shot with a girlfriend.
Gary was a little older than most of his classmates; he had already turned eighteen. In other words, he was a legal adult. On the very day I found his page, it happened to be his birthday. I decided to seize the moment and send him a message. Nothing crazy—just a simple "Happy Birthday" wish. He didn't expect it at all and was clearly surprised, but he replied, and from there, the floodgates opened. We stayed up messaging each other until almost dawn. From that day on, there was a definite spark between us.
***
I didn't expect this kind of behavior from myself. It was as if I'd lost my mind. I eventually suggested we meet up in person, and he agreed. Don't think anything scandalous—it was just a walk in the park. As we strolled, we talked about everything under the sun. He turned out to be incredibly well-rounded and well-read, with the manners and mindset of a grown man. I was pleasantly surprised. He wasn't even trying to impress me; he was just being himself.
In that moment, I realized I wanted him intensely. I wanted him the way you want a man, not a kid. I had to use every ounce of self-control not to jump him right there. In my defense, I'm not a promiscuous person; I've only had two boyfriends before this. But I held back.
He offered to walk me home. I live alone in a small apartment I rent across town. When we reached my front door, I invited him in to warm up. It was freezing outside, and he had a long trek back to his neighborhood. He seemed a bit shy at first but eventually agreed. We sat in the kitchen, drinking tea and half-watching whatever was on the TV.
I don't even remember exactly how it started, but it was beautiful. I've never felt that good with any man before, certainly not like I did with this sweet boy. I don't even know why. He told me that I was his first. Can you imagine? I have to admit, I felt quite flattered to be the one to give him that experience.
***
Since then, things have really heated up. I try my best not to let our connection show so that no one suspects a thing. I often keep him after school for "extra help," claiming I'm tutoring him or helping him prepare for the AP exams. We have to lock the classroom door, and I find that I actually love the secrecy. I'm terrified someone might walk in, but the risk is so incredibly arousing. I've fallen for him like a schoolgirl myself.
He's graduating soon, and we're planning to go public with our relationship then. I know it's not exactly "proper," but I'm asking for your support.
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