I am forty-eight years old, half of which I spent in my first marriage. And it was a successful one, if you can call it that. My husband passed away a few years ago, and it was very hard for me to come to terms with it. From my first husband, I have two daughters, both of whom are now adults—one is twenty-two, and the other will soon turn twenty.
I didn’t love that man enough to describe our relationship with the kind of words you find in books. But I deeply respected him; he gave me so much and, in time, became the closest person to me. Despite the fact that he never received the love from me he might have hoped for, I never even considered being unfaithful to him.
Our marriage was good in its own way, and we were happy. As I mentioned, this loss hit me hard. I was completely unprepared for him to leave so early. But a year after his death, a man came into my life who turned out to be my true love. This was very much like the stories written in books and portrayed in romantic movies.
The feelings we share are ones I never thought I’d experience. My daughters, of course, noticed that their mom had changed in her behavior. While my older daughter was genuinely happy for me, I didn’t see the same enthusiasm from my younger one. She simply took the news calmly.
My man and I started living together at his place, and then, a few months later, he proposed to me, and I got married again. My older daughter also got married, and I’m very happy for her. After her wedding, they moved into her husband’s apartment. It also brings me joy that, over the years she grew up before my eyes, we never lost our family bond, and we still communicate just as well as we did before, despite my new husband.
But things are not so bright with my younger daughter. One day, she overheard me talking on the phone with my friend. The conversation was about both of my husbands—I was telling her that I didn’t love the first one and about the strength of my feelings for my current husband. Since then, my younger daughter has completely distanced herself from me.
Now, it’s very hard for us to communicate; she doesn’t reach out to me at all. If I suggest coming over or call to chat, she makes up excuses just to avoid contact. The idea of her coming to me on her own is unthinkable. I no longer know how to get her to open up or warm up to me.
— As soon as I bring up this difficult topic, she starts crying, withdraws, and hangs up the phone.
She only really talks, to some extent, with her older sister. It was her sister who told me the reason for this change in my daughter’s behavior. The thing is, she sees me as a traitor. My daughter thought I would remain loyal to her father until the end of my days, but instead, I got married again.
Her whole life, she was very close to him, and now she refuses to see my side and understand that her mom also needs to feel happy. That’s why she can’t bring herself to even occasionally talk to me. She believes that for her, communicating with me would be a betrayal, and she doesn’t want to do that to her father.
My younger daughter still hasn’t let him go in her heart; she can’t come to terms with his death and still grieves. And I don’t blame her for that—on the contrary, I understand her very well. But I don’t know what to do in this situation. I love my man very much. And I hope I never have to choose between my daughter and my husband.
I’d like to hear some advice—did I really act like a traitor?
No comments