I am forty-eight years old, and I spent half of my life in my first marriage. It was a successful one, if you can put it that way. My husband passed away several years ago, and coming to terms with it was incredibly difficult for me. We had two daughters together; they are both adults now, one is twenty-two and the other is about to turn twenty.
I didn't love him with the kind of passion you read about in romance novels. However, I respected him deeply. He gave me so much and ultimately became the person closest to me in the world. Even though he never quite received that "storybook" love from me, I never once even considered being unfaithful to him.
Our marriage was good in its own way, and we were happy. As I mentioned, losing him was a devastating blow. I wasn't prepared for him to leave so soon. But a year after he passed, a man entered my life who turned out to be my true love. This time, it really was like something out of a book or a movie.
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The feelings we have for each other are something I never dared to hope I'd experience. My daughters, of course, noticed the change in me. But while my eldest was genuinely happy for me, I didn't see the same enthusiasm from my youngest. she simply took the news quietly.
My partner and I eventually moved into his place, and after he proposed, we were married a few months later. My eldest daughter also got married recently, which makes me so happy for her. She and her husband moved into their own apartment. It warms my heart that through all the years of her growing up, we never lost our bond; we're still just as close as ever, despite my new marriage.
Things with my youngest daughter, however, aren't nearly as bright. One day, she overheard a snippet of a phone conversation I was having with a close friend. We were talking about both of my husbands. I mentioned that I hadn't been "in love" with my first husband and spoke about the intensity of my feelings for my current one. Ever since then, she has completely pulled away from me.
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It's very difficult for us to communicate now; she makes no effort to reach out. If I suggest a visit or call just to chat, she makes up excuses just to avoid the interaction. The idea of her coming over on her own is out of the question. I'm at a loss as to how to get her to open up or feel comfortable around me again.
Whenever I try to touch on this difficult subject, she starts to cry, shuts down, and hangs up the phone. The only person she really talks to is her older sister. It was my eldest who finally told me the reason behind the change in her behavior. The truth is, she sees me as a traitor. She thought I would remain devoted to her father's memory for the rest of my life, but instead, I went and got married again.
She was incredibly close to her father her whole life, and now she refuses to put herself in my shoes or understand that I deserve to feel happy, too. She just can't bring herself to interact with me, even occasionally. In her mind, staying in touch with me would be a betrayal of her father, and she refuses to do that to him.
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My youngest still hasn't let go of him in her heart; she hasn't moved past his death and still mourns him deeply. I don't blame her for that—in fact, I understand it perfectly. I just don't know what to do. I love my husband very much, and I truly hope I never have to choose between my daughter and the man I love.
I'd appreciate some advice. Did I really act like a traitor?
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