I don’t know what to do, especially considering that my son is almost thirty years old. Every mother, if she has a strong sense of responsibility, is always afraid of hearing words directed at her saying that she has failed as a mother. I am exactly that kind of woman. But I don’t want to believe it; I desperately don’t want to think that I made a mistake somewhere along the way that can’t be fixed now.
I’m writing in the hope that someone might suggest what can be done. I live with my second husband, who is a stepfather to my grown son. By the way, my son already has his own family; he and his wife are parents to two charming little girls. They live very close to me, just across the street from my house.
I wouldn’t say that we’ve always been on the best of terms. There have been misunderstandings, arguments, and even major conflicts. My son was never a model student, but I couldn’t be angry with him for that, as he often missed school due to frequent illnesses. His father left us early on, though my son, as a child and teenager, still remembered him. He even tried to find him, believing that I was forbidding them from communicating. But his father never sought contact with him. Once my son realized this, it became much easier for us to get along.
Whenever I see him, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve done something to upset him. I tried talking to his wife, but she just shrugs her shoulders. Some might think the issue lies with my second husband. But he has hardly ever interfered in our relationship. Once, my son told him that he had no right to yell at him or discipline him because he wasn’t his real father. My husband, an extremely sensitive and gentle man, took this to heart and since then has not tried to assert any kind of fatherly authority. So, I’ve had to be both mother and father to my son for both of us.
One time, I asked him to come over and help me with something. I don’t even remember exactly what it was, but I recall it was something trivial. I think it was about helping me figure out the TV or the computer. He just got up from the table, took his wife by the hand, and left my house.
It seemed to come out of nowhere. And I still don’t know what I could have done to cause it. To see my granddaughters, I have to text or call my daughter-in-law. She clearly knows what’s going on but won’t tell me. Yes, she says exactly that:
— Sort it out yourselves, I don’t want to get involved, I’m neutral.
Given my age, which is far from young, I don’t want to hold grudges against him or start arguments and confrontations. Honestly, there’s a real risk that he might just forbid me from seeing my granddaughters. Right now, when it comes to talking with him, I’m not doing anything. I just pray to God and hope that everything will work out.
I try calling or texting him sometimes, just to see if the ice has started to thaw. I thought that if I stopped reaching out altogether, he might come to me on his own. But in the several months we haven’t spoken, he’s completely stopped visiting or calling me himself. I’m not even asking for advice on what to do, but at least for an opinion on what could have caused such a sudden change.
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