Sometimes events change our lives dramatically, turn it upside down.
I was a college student, finishing my last year and was going to finish my studies at the institute. I was mastering a technical specialty, my group consisted mainly of guys. All four years of study, I considered them my friends, or even brothers.
After receiving the diploma, you could exhale. The whole group received a lot of stress and spent a lot of nerves passing theses and final exams. And now that we were finally able to inhale the intoxicating smell of freedom, I really wanted to celebrate such a joyful event.
Then Egor, a guy from my group, offered to rent a cottage for a day to have a good night out on that day. The whole group happily agreed. Routine classes began: fundraising, grocery shopping, and so on.
Finally, the day of celebration came. Two other girls from the group and I cooked food, the guys brought alcohol and a music center. And the fun began.
I remember drinking quite a bit before I got dizzy. The last shot I knocked over was clearly superfluous. I tried to get to the toilet, because I was terribly sick, but it got dark in my eyes, I lost consciousness.
I remember waking up on the bed. It was dark in the room around me, and Egor’s face was looking down at me. I managed to notice another classmate next to me, Kostya, before I finally passed out.
When I woke up, it was already getting light outside the window. My head was buzzing, my mouth was disgusting, my body ached. Running my hand over it, I realized that I was not wearing clothes. And then pictures of last night popped into my head. There were tears in my eyes, I felt sick. I realized that something was added to my glass, which made me feel very bad. And then, taking advantage of my helpless position, Kostya and Egor raped me.
I gathered up the torn things I found on the floor, somehow put them in order. Weeping, I called a taxi. While I was going down to the first floor, I didn’t see the faces of my rapists – it seems they went home.
The same day I went to the police and wrote a statement. I was surprised that they didn’t even examine my body – I thought they needed to document the fact of violence. But the policeman just took the statement from me and let me go home.
I waited for the first, second week, but nothing happened. The police never called me. But Egor started calling me. He threatened to kill me and demanded that I withdraw the application. I was scared, hurt, creepy. I felt that no one would help me.
In one of these calls, Egor said that I could not worry about the application – my uncle had decided everything. Later it turned out that Yegor’s own uncle had a major rank in the police, and that my case had not even been investigated.
And then a terrible thing happened. I found out I was pregnant. It was unbearably hard for me to accept this fact. I didn’t want to bear a child from one of my rapists, much less raise him. I cried a lot, I didn’t leave the house for weeks, I could not eat anything for several days.
Until there was a nervous miscarriage. Later I was told in the hospital that I could have died, and I was miraculously saved. I remember thinking that it would be better not to be saved. And then the doctor informed me that I probably would never be able to have children again.
My life was broken. The only thing I wanted was to kill myself so that I wouldn’t feel all this pain anymore, not to know my rapists. But I found the strength to stand up. While monitoring rape victim assistance forums, I came across a feminist community and quickly made friends there.
These girls really supported me and helped me survive in that difficult time. Since then, I consider myself a feminist and carry these ideas to the masses. This is the meaning of my life.
If fate has given you a lemon, make lemonade out of it.