I do not know how to help myself in this situation.
My husband and I have known each other since we were students. In the fifth year we got married, lived in a student dormitory. I took state exams and received a diploma already with a big tummy.
My son Alyosha was born, we were happy.
Two years later, our daughter Masha was born, and a year later – the youngest son Antoshka.
My husband was working, I was babysitting. We decided to change the apartment to a more spacious one and took out a mortgage.
The spouse was offered a part-time job, worked all day. The children hardly saw their father, he left early in the morning and came late at night when the kids were already asleep.
Then my husband began to be sent on business trips. I was left all alone with the children and the household. It became a whole problem to fix something that was broken, to repair every little thing, you had to either hire a person or wait for your husband to finally return. I was tired, this eternal loneliness began to annoy. Girlfriends said that I just don’t know what I want: my husband works, sends money. I don’t need anything, just think, Dad/husband is temporarily not at home.
Constant business trips have become a frequent cause of our quarrels with my spouse. He also said that I was languishing from idleness, and bought a new ring as a sign of reconciliation. And I forgot when we could lie quietly in the morning in an embrace and not rush anywhere. Or to walk in the park with the children whenever you want, and not according to a strict schedule.
One day, to brighten up a lonely evening, I decided to drink wine. My playful mood was transmitted to my husband, we corresponded all evening. Our relationship began to play with new colors, in the evenings I was not just a tortured housewife with three children, but a flirting young woman. Champagne gave me fantasies of how I want to spend tonight with my husband, even online.
Divorced girlfriends started running into the light, bringing their children. We used to meet occasionally in a cafe, but now no one interfered with us. The guys were playing with each other, my girlfriend or girlfriends and I were sitting over a bottle of wine. When my husband came, everything returned to its usual rut. We spent time with family and children. With the departure of the spouse, the gathering with the girls for wine began again. Then I started drinking alone. It seemed to me that a slight intoxication allows time to run faster, especially on winter evenings and nights. Only I didn’t realize yet that the amount of alcohol consumed was getting more and more.
One day my husband arrived earlier and found me drunk. We had a big fight, I made claims about his constant absence, and he swore that I was drinking alone and not watching the children. I repented, promised to stop.
A couple of days after my husband’s next departure, a friend came to visit me with a bottle of champagne. The next day I couldn’t stand it, I bought more wine. And I couldn’t stop. The children spent the whole day in kindergarten, and then they were left to themselves. Along with alcohol, I completely went into virtual reality… It turns out that dating sites were so interesting. Numerous men who did not know about my domestic problems and saw a slightly intoxicated lonely lady on the other side of the screen.
The evenings began to pass more and more cheerfully, I waited all day for when it would be possible to open a bottle of wine or champagne and start an interesting conversation with another interlocutor. One day one of my virtual friends came to visit me. This was the beginning of the end. I tried to hide my guests from the children, I often drank a lot.
Then everything was revealed. But I could no longer resist alcohol, I was constantly drinking in the presence of children. My husband’s patience is over, he decided to deprive me of my rights and take the children. I tried to improve, went to court, tried to prove that I would not drink anymore. But this swamp was getting tighter and tighter.
I am alone again, there is no one to help me, there is only emptiness and uncertainty ahead.