Behind My Back

I've caught my wife messaging another man several times now.

First, a little about myself. I've been married for a few years, and for the most part, everything seemed great. We have our own house and a car. We both work, and money has never really been an issue. I recently landed a promotion with a significant raise. Every year, we go on vacation, and I always let my wife pick the destination.

Our meeting was about as cliché as it gets. I dialed a wrong number and ended up talking to her. We stayed on the phone for hours and realized we'd been looking for each other our whole lives. We didn't date long before we got married. A year later, we had a beautiful little girl whom I absolutely adore.

My wife and I agreed that I'd be the primary breadwinner. Now, don't get me wrong—it wasn't that I forbade her from working. I just always loved the idea of coming home to a house that felt like a home—clean, cozy, and smelling like fresh baking. Her job is flexible enough that she can work from home most of the time, only heading into the office occasionally.

Things stayed that way until it was time for our daughter to start preschool. With more free time on her hands, my wife started spending a lot of time on social media, catching up with friends. I didn't mind because I always trusted her completely.

She told me she was just catching up with old high school and college friends. I'm not the type of guy who snoops through his wife's messages. At least, I wasn't, until that one day.

***

Until that fateful day, I believed in her so much. I should also mention that when we met, she already had a son from a previous relationship. I loved him as my own; I never made a distinction between him and our daughter. I treated them exactly the same. I treated her well, too—I practically carried her on a pedestal. And in return, I got this betrayal.

I caught her purely by accident the first time. She was curled up in an armchair, glued to her phone, typing away. I quietly stepped up behind her, intending to cover her eyes with my hands and surprise her. She was so engrossed that she didn't even hear me coming. When I looked down, I saw a conversation between my wife and another man. She had no choice but to confess.

She begged for forgiveness. She pleaded with me, swearing it wasn't anything serious—just messaging, and that they had never actually met in person. I loved her so much that I believed her. Well, eventually. I stayed with a friend for a few days to clear my head and weigh my options. In the end, I decided to forgive her for the sake of the kids.

For a whole year, everything was perfect. She was so tender and attentive that I actually started to forget it had ever happened. Then came New Year's Eve. We were celebrating with friends, and I happened to overhear a conversation between her and her best friend that absolutely crushed me. Her friend asked if she was still talking to that guy. My wife said yes—she just made sure to only message him when I wasn't home to avoid any "drama."

When I heard that, the floor felt like it dropped out from under me. I walked out of the house and haven't wanted to see her since. I miss the kids terribly, so I go to see them at my mother-in-law's place. She's actually a wonderful woman. Not long ago, I found out exactly who my wife's "friend" was: a guy she works with.

I tracked down his wife's number and gave her a call. She told me she wasn't surprised at all because he's had plenty of affairs. I decided to confront my wife with the truth. I went over and told her everything. At first, she tried to deny it, but then the tears and the hysterics started all over again. This time, I didn't fall for it. I can't trust her anymore. My heart is heavy, and I miss my kids every second.

But I can't live in a lie. How can I trust a woman who begged for my forgiveness months ago while she was still talking to someone else behind my back? I've lost my peace of mind; I'm on edge, irritable, and I barely sleep.

I'm planning to file for divorce. I'll stay in my children's lives, but I can't—and won't—see her again. Has anyone else been through this? How do you even begin to move on?