I've been married once before, and frankly, I have no desire to do it again. I married for love, but the disillusionment set in fast. All I got from my husband was constant criticism and belittling. Once we split, I decided that was it for marriage; from then on, men were strictly for physical health and recreation.
An interesting situation cropped up recently that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. When you're a woman who doesn't want a ring and you're upfront about it, not every guy takes it well. Some men just can't handle a woman calling the shots like that. Over the last few years, I've had plenty of partners, but none of them quite hit the mark. One would be a bore, another would be broke, and another was just disappointing in bed.
Eventually, I found someone who seemed like the perfect fit, but it turned out he wasn't exactly single. I didn't find out he was married until a few months in, but I decided not to change a thing. I even told him so. At first, he was thrilled. That dynamic worked for us for several years; everything was exactly how I liked it. We'd meet at my place a few times a month. We never went out together, but I didn't care. He checked every box in the bedroom, and that was all I wanted. Apparently, though, that wasn't enough for him.
***
He started trying to talk to me about his wife all the time. He'd go on and on about what a nightmare she was and how she was never satisfied. He complained that she wanted kids and he didn't. He seemed to think I found this fascinating. I bit my tongue and played the part of the good listener, occasionally offering a bit of staged sympathy. He told me he'd never really had feelings for her and that they only got married because her father helped him land his corporate job. I'd sit there listening to him, bored out of my mind.
As time went on, I noticed he was becoming way too clingy. We went from meeting a couple of times a month to him swinging by almost every other day. Then he started asking me out to movies and dinner. I didn't even realize what was happening at first; I definitely wasn't prepared for that kind of shift. Not only was he showing up constantly, but he started bringing flowers and gifts. I'm perfectly capable of buying myself whatever I want. Then, the kicker: he showed up at my door with suitcases and announced he was moving in. I was floored.
***
"I left her," he told me. "Nothing can stop us from being together now. I've been waiting for a woman like you my whole life."
He went on about how I was perfect in every way and how much he loved my energy. He said we didn't have to hide anymore and that he was staying for good.
I was completely blindsided. He acted like he was giving me a gift, but nobody bothered to ask me what I wanted. I shut him down right then and there. I told him straight to his face that I had no intention of changing my lifestyle and that I hadn't invited him into my life. I told him to go back exactly where he came from—back to his wife.
"Don't you remember what we agreed on at the start?" I asked him. "One marriage was more than enough for me."
I told him that if I actually wanted to get married again, I could do a lot better than a guy who cheats on his wife. I told him I had no interest in cooking for him, cleaning up after him, or taking care of him. I gave him a piece of my mind and slammed the door. He tried to get back in a few more times—calling, showing up—but it was over. It's a shame, really. I'll have to find someone new now. It was such a good arrangement until he went and ruined it.
***
That's the story Mary told me. Personally, that kind of relationship isn't for me. I could never see a man just for sex. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, or maybe I just got lucky with my own husband. What do you think?
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