Yes, that’s how it happened and nothing can be fixed. My husband and I met when I worked in a military unit, and he was a conscript soldier. We crossed paths with him several times, he smiled pleasantly and I fell in love. I started looking for a meeting with him, and he with me. We started dating, rarely, but still.
When his service life came to an end, he made me an offer, of course I agreed. We did not live richly, and in the 80s few people lived in prosperity, especially in our small town. Seryozha and I went to an apartment, or rather rented a room in a hostel to make it cheaper.
I worked for a small salary at the post office, and for a long time my husband could not find a permanent place where they would pay good money and accidentally changed jobs. Then, we had a son, Alexey, and life became even harder, there was not enough money at all. 3 years have passed and I got pregnant again. Daughter Masha was born.
Then it became quite difficult and my husband began to drink alcohol. Then I stopped going to work and when my daughter was 8 months old, he came and said that he was leaving me because he had found the woman of his dreams and loved her very much. I did not stop him, because I am convinced that if a person has decided so, then there is no point in keeping him.
I was left alone with two children, in an apartment with a meager salary. My parents helped as much as they could, but it was mostly helping with jam, compotes, vegetables from the garden and sometimes took the children to their house for the weekend. I am very grateful to them for this, but no one could help me with money. So I dragged on for many years as best I could. My husband disappeared from life, as if he had never existed.
I remember dreaming how my son would grow up and help me as the only man in the family. However, this did not happen, living in a hostel and being brought up without a father, he grew up a weak-willed characterless person. He often drank with friends, sometimes he stank of smoke, but it wasn’t cigarettes. I guessed what was going on and tried to talk to him, but he aggressively snapped.
Once, when trying to talk to him, he threw me against the wall with all his might. I became afraid of my son. My daughter also grew up and her attitude towards me was also negative. She didn’t help me around the house, she walked on the street until late, and I sat crying and worried. I didn’t know what to do and how to continue living. Honestly, I didn’t want to live anymore.
Once, after a quarrel with my daughter, I asked her why she was doing this to me, in response she said that I had turned her life into hell, that we never had money and that I was a bad mother. She also added that I shouldn’t have had children. I was very offended, I sat and cried, half an hour later my son came home in an incomprehensible state and also told me a lot of nasty things.
That I can only cry, that I am a mistake of nature, and so on. In general, now, after years, they live separately from me, everyone has their own family, children and problems, but they never come to me. My parents inherited a house in the village, and I live in it.
I have seen grandchildren a few times, we rarely communicate with children. I understand that I am to blame and strongly do not insist on communicating with them, so as not to annoy them even more. I found my happiness in animals, got myself three cats and live out my days alone in retirement. This is my fate.