Lived all my life for children. I’m used to them always being around. Grandchildren are nearby. You come home from work, and you are already greeted that grandma brought some delicious. At first, only the eldest came running. Then the youngest learned to stomp, quickly realized the science of her grandmother’s bag, that there is always something in store for them.
Life ran along a measured course. And then one day, or, on the contrary, not a beautiful day, my girls say that it’s time for them to live in separate houses. In general, they decided to move out from their mother. But this is understandable, everyone has their own family, their own views on life, which often do not coincide with my mother’s. Well, so it means so.
Somehow you don’t realize right away that you won’t see them every day, you won’t hear the laughter and tears of the kids. You won’t help dolls sew dresses. Well, in general, you don’t realize a lot of things yet… No, don’t think about it, I’m not a mother hen who cackles over her chickens. It just so happened that they were always there.
My children got out. While things were being transported, while everyone was putting things in order at home, somehow I still didn’t realize that I was left alone. Yes, probably also because my granddaughters were with me, so that they wouldn’t get under my feet, wouldn’t interfere with my parents.
But then they came and took the kids, and I was left alone… The house is empty, no arguments, no sharing of toys, no laughter, no tears. The TV is silent, the cartoons have gone on a long vacation. While I was putting things in order after the pogrom of departure, somehow I still didn’t realize that I was alone.
And then came later… Rolled up to the throat, tears choke, burst into tears. Alone, no one needs. What I am, how I am — no one cares, I felt so sorry for myself, it’s just awful. Roared-roared, but nothing can be done. For several days I walked like I was in the water. At work, it was somehow forgotten about, there was no time to think. But at home, the longing was suffocating with renewed vigor.
And then one evening, I come home from work. The day was terribly hard, there were a lot of visitors, there was no time to even sit down. And the house is quiet, clean, everything is in its place. Have a quick dinner, go to the bathroom and sleep. No one is pulling you, no one is shouting. I fell asleep, for the first time during this time I slept soundly. I woke up in the morning, and my heart is so light.
First of all, no one left me. I am not alone, there are daughters, granddaughters, sons-in-law. They didn’t go far away. We live in the same city. The eldest daughter is fifteen minutes away by minibus, and by the standards of our city it is very close. The younger one lives a fifteen-minute walk away. It almost didn’t go anywhere. So I can see my granddaughters whenever I want. And no one forbade me to take them to myself.
Secondly, life didn’t end there. Children should live their own lives, but it turns out that I also have my own interests, my hobbies, which I completely forgot about. There are friends I couldn’t meet because I didn’t have time. It wasn’t up to that.
Thirdly, there are new goals that I want to realize. And this requires free time, which I have never had before. There wasn’t, because I couldn’t make my own plans, I adjusted to the plans of the children. But it’s not right. And I realized only now.
Fourthly, so much time has been freed up that can be spent on what I want, doing what I want and generally wanting what I want.
Fifthly, I realized that I am not only a mother and grandmother, it turns out that I am also a woman. Or rather, I realized that first of all-a woman, and then my mother and grandmother.
Life is not over, it continues. Or maybe she even went to a new, previously unknown circle.
And what do you think about this, dear readers?