Only two of my friends know about this story, and I don’t dare tell anyone else. And I can’t calm down for the second year.
I wanted to work early because I needed my money. It was a shame to beg even a mere penny from my mother. And Dad thought he didn’t need to earn more. Half of what he brought home was spent on alcohol and cigarettes. That’s why I started working at thirteen.
Dad didn’t raise his hand to Mom. The apartment we lived in was bought entirely by my mom’s mom, but it was written down to my parents in half. Therefore, there was no need for Dad to strain himself – there was money for his entertainment, there was also a place to live, and he didn’t care about the rest. I dreamed of separating from them sooner and becoming independent. That’s why I went to work.
In addition, work gave me the right to be independent and not to report for being late home by the due time if I went out somewhere. At first, I was hired only for the position of a promoter. It was necessary to distribute leaflets near one store and try to lure people there so that they could buy something there, notify about discounts and promotions.
When it was time for me to finish school, my mother gave birth to my brother and left work on maternity leave. Father also continued to drag out his miserable existence, unable to provide for either himself or us. And then a brother was born, but he still did not strive to do something for us. I must say that my mother has diabetes, which could have been transmitted to her son. So from the very moment of his birth, the doctors strictly ordered her to undergo a course of expensive treatment.
I understood that working as a promoter, I would not be able to help her in any way, and money became desperately needed. And then I decided to get a job in webcam. This is an industry where girls and guys work as models on a webcam. What I liked about her was that you don’t have to meet people who pay you money and look them in the eye. And I also liked the anonymity of the data, I didn’t need to give my real name. Only the end of anonymity came at the moment when it was necessary to show your face.
I worked without any terrible perversions, mostly I took with my charming smile and natural charm. I would not have found another job that could give me a lot of money in our city. And so I could successfully combine everything with studying at the university, and at the same time I was paid a scholarship. And there was still a lot of free time for partying with friends, buying good clothes and much more.
I gave a little more than half of what I earned to my mother so that she could pay for the next course. About ten people knew about where I work. Now I understand that it was already a large number. But I saw that there was no rejection in their reaction, they also continued to communicate with me, so at that time I did not see anything wrong in sharing with them.
Two years later, someone leaked one of the videos of my work to all my classmates. My friends reacted to this normally, so after a while I calmed down after getting over it. I got married not so long ago, he is a wonderful man and we love each other.
Now I work at a normal job and before the wedding, we agreed that all the past should remain in the past and not affect our relationship in any way.
I don’t think he’ll leave me if he finds out. But I understand that it will be extremely difficult for him to live with such information. And it is extremely difficult for me to live now with constant thoughts that he may find out everything one day. I’m his first in intimate terms, not that he’s with me.
And it seems to me more and more often that I am simply unworthy of him, since he is already my twentieth in my short life.