Sad red guy on the street

The most ridiculous situation in my life

Whether I wanted it or not, the exams at school were inexorably approaching, and by leaps and bounds. Unfortunately, my knowledge of the Russian language and literature left much to be desired. That is why my mother arranged with the daughter of her employee to study with me. Galina graduated from the philological faculty of the university a year ago and works at the school. That is, he knows the subject and everything that these examiners need perfectly. And a part-time job won’t hurt anyone.

I fell in love with Galina at first sight. None of my classmates could hold a candle to her! I confess, in order not to look like a perfect ignoramus, I tried very hard. I even read the entire textbook on literature. I damn much wanted Galina to have enough of me, and not consider me a blockhead…

And everything would be fine if it weren’t for Kirill, Galina’s boyfriend! This sleek dude came every time we had classes, wandered around the apartment, commented on my answers. As soon as I didn’t know something, he immediately inserted his snide “five kopecks”! Galina laughed, but I felt like a complete jerk and dreamed of getting even with this “humorist”.

But one day Galina casually mentioned that Kirill was going on a business trip.

I mentally yelled “hurrah” and threw an imaginary hat into the air. As many as 2 classes we will hold just the two of us! Alone! ME AND HER! I dreamed about how wonderful it would be to read to Galina poems of my own composition or sing a song accompanying myself on the guitar. The fact that I didn’t write poetry and I didn’t have a guitar didn’t interfere with my dreams at all.

Before leaving, I poured half a bottle of my father’s cologne on myself and, smelling like a perfume factory, rushed to meet my Beautiful lady.

Galina was sad, apparently she already missed her Kirill.

— Sit down, and I’ll make tea. Soon she was telling me something, and I was listening, carefully sipping the scalding raspberry-scented tea. “Damn, she’s beautiful… And without anything at all, probably, too… I would like to see it with one eye…” I was dreaming so much that I knocked over a cup of tea. Hot liquid spilled on my clothes. I howled in pain.

— Oh, my God. Vitya! How clumsy you are! Hurry up and undress, otherwise the boiling water will cause blisters… I’m going to get some ointment for burns.

Polina disappeared into the next room, and I threw off my wet pants and T-shirt, remaining in socks and underpants. And then there was the creak of a key in the lock.

— It’s me, dear! I forgot to take my report! Galina’s boyfriend shouted. When I heard that vile voice, I hid in the closet without thinking twice.

— Are you alone? Kirill asked.

— No, with Vitya.

“Where is he?”

And at that moment, as luck would have it, the closet door opened, and I appeared before them in all the glory of my underpants… The painting “My husband returned from a business trip.”

Kirill looked me up and down, clenched his fists…

— What are you doing here? In the closet? And why are you wearing underpants?

— His trousers are wet, he knocked over the tea, — Galina explained. — Come here, Vitya, let me smear you with cream so that it won’t be…

— What kind of cream? Where with cream — Kirill screamed. — Get out of my closet! He’s studying there! What, I wonder? No sooner had I left than I was already here…

I hurriedly left my hiding place.

— What is “already”, Kirill? Galina exclaimed. — Look at him! He’s a kid! Two-biter! Yes, if it weren’t for jeans, he would have scalded himself with this tea…

— And let it be scalded! I would have known then how to climb into the closet in other people’s brides’ underwear! Kirill shouted in a bad voice.

I didn’t wait for the finale, pulled on wet, but already cooled jeans, collected books and was gone. I told my parents that I didn’t need a tutor anymore, I would learn everything myself. Moreover, I’m not going to be a philologist.


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