I lived for 6 years with my husband, who periodically drank heavily, for at least a week. And I endured, went with the child to his mother, while he relaxes.
It was easier for me to think that he was a sick person. I thought that alcoholism is a terrible disease and a person himself cannot control his desire to drink.
A year ago, I realized that this was not the case.
I took my daughter and we moved with her to a rented apartment.
There is a wonderful woman Nina walking in our yard with her daughter.
One day we talked and I told her about my husband. Nina explained to me that the disease in drinkers is not called «alcoholism» but «selfishness». In confirmation of her words, she revealed her story.
Seven years ago, she gave birth to a daughter, from some guy, because her mother and sister were against abortion and did not give money for it.
Before Nina gave birth, she led a cheerful lifestyle. Had fun, drank, smoked, disappeared from home for a few days, lost phones, etc. She drank and smoked even during pregnancy. She didn’t need this child.
After giving birth, Nina continued to drink. Her mother and sister constantly took the child away from her so that the girl would not get hurt.
Nina’s mother really hoped that her daughter would stop drinking after the birth of the child, but this did not stop Nina.
She herself often brought her daughter in a drunken state. Neighbors wrote complaints about her, she was registered. They promised to deprive me of my parental rights. Nina was not afraid of any of this.
When her daughter was already two years old, Nina began to have terrible pains in the lower abdomen.
It turns out that she did not pay attention to the words of the doctors after giving birth at all. She needed treatment immediately after discharge from the hospital, but Nina was in a hurry to celebrate this event and was not going to be treated at all. Serious complications have appeared in two years.
When her daughter was two years old, Nina was taken away by an ambulance at night, she had to be operated on urgently.
She underwent surgery several times, and eventually had to remove important organs.
The doctors said that she would no longer be able to have children and did not recommend living a sexual life, as there could be complications.
Nina did not immediately realize that this was very serious.
One day after discharge, Nina was lying at home (she rented an apartment so as not to live with her mother, sister and daughter). She suddenly felt very sad, she burst into tears, wanted to go for vodka, but only reached the first floor and the pain began.
Somehow I got home and lay down on the sofa. She was in a lot of pain.
Suddenly her mother called and promised to come right away.
The mother came with Nina’s daughter.
Nina told her mother that she would no longer have children.
For several days Nina was not allowed to get up from the sofa once again and her mother and two-year-old daughter took care of her.
Once Nina woke up and saw her daughter sleeping next to her. Nina buried her face in the pillow and cried.
She suddenly realized that she already had the meaning of life and he was lying next to her and sleeping peacefully.
Suddenly I thought how many days she had missed. She remembered that she did not know what her daughter’s first words were, what time she went to the potty and took her first steps.
Nina suddenly felt very ashamed. She realized that she was very guilty in front of her baby.
Suddenly, she began to be torn apart from nurti, feelings of guilt and self-contempt with soma. She imagined herself in her daughter’s place. I remembered how many times I climbed to kiss her with the smell of fumes.
And since then Nina has never taken a single sip of alcohol. Although earlier, in quarrels with Nina’s mother, she herself said that it was not her fault that she was drinking, it was a disease — alcoholism was to blame for everything.
But now Nina claims that there is no such disease, she completely lost the desire to drink as soon as another goal in life appeared.
Alcoholics are not sick people, but just egoists who love only themselves, and they are not at all interested in the opinion and problems of their relatives, acquaintances, even children. They just drink because they want to.
Now, 5 years later, I would never have thought in my life that Nina was a drunk.
Everything turns out to depend on the goal!!!