— Masha, I’m filing for divorce! — early in the morning, while still lying in bed, Stepan suddenly announced. Then he thought about it and added for confidence: «We’ve had enough of torturing each other.
— What did you say? — my wife did not understand, hardly opening her sleepy eyes. – Who’s getting divorced?
«I’m saying that I’m filing for divorce,» Stepan repeated in a serious tone. — That’s it. Point.
Only now Masha woke up completely, instantly took a sitting position in bed and stared at her husband.
— Why are you all of a sudden? Did you eat something wrong yesterday? Your mind is confused, isn’t it?
— I have nothing Masha, it’s not clouded. I’m divorcing you. And you know why.
— And if I don’t understand?
— Don’t make surprised eyes at me here! – Stepan began to drill his wife with a contemptuous look. «You think I don’t know anything about your lover?»
«What’s that?» Masha immediately flared up. — What other lover are you talking about here?!
— And about the one! Which I even dreamed about in my dream today!
— Interesting… — The wife suddenly thought, then glanced at her husband. — And what did you dream there in your unhealthy dream?
— I dreamed all sorts of vulgarities. Just like him and you… Ugh, it’s disgusting to even talk about it… In short, I caught you in a dream.
— Yes? Masha suddenly smiled dreamily, then came to her senses. – And what is he like?
«Well, the one I had something with in your dream. How did he even look? Decent?
Stepan stared at his wife in surprise.
«Like you don’t know what he’s like?»
— So, after all, what is it?
— What-what… — Stepan began to remember. — I think the brunette… Or… no, definitely a brunette! And all hairy. And he also had a special sign — a scar on his forehead, and… And the teeth are so big… Like Belmondo’s…
— Come on? — pleased, the wife grinned. — Interesting… Or maybe it was him?
— What else! He was fighting with me, you know how? In our native language. I still tried to beat him, but he’s all so nimble, squirming… Snakes, in short. So, divorce, and no nails! I can’t forgive you for such a betrayal!
— Yes? Okay,» Masha nodded. — A divorce is a divorce.
— How is that okay? Stepan suddenly smiled. — Have you forgotten what date it is today?
— What is it?
— Today is the first of April.
— And what?
— The first of April — don’t trust anyone. What are you doing, Masha? I was joking. This is an April Fool’s joke! Funny, isn’t it?
— What kind of jokes can there be in such a case? Masha looked at her husband seriously. — A divorce is a divorce, and you don’t have to deny me here.
— Don’t you understand jokes? — Stepan was confused, also took a sitting position and tried to hug his wife. — Why on earth should we divorce you, Masha?
— And with this. That’s right, Stepa, you said, enough of us constantly tormenting each other.
— What is it to torment?
— And at least with such stupid jokes! At least you were joking about the divorce today. Do you remember your joke from last year?
— Which one?
— And this one! You also wrote a message to my mother on the phone that you and I bought her an elite place at the Troyekurov cemetery! But she needs to take this place as soon as possible, otherwise other old women will outbid him. And how did your brain think of writing such a thing to an elderly woman?
Masha said all this with anger, and Stepan was really afraid that a serious threat was hanging over their family happiness.
— So this is such a bearded joke! — he began to justify himself. – It’s not my fault that his mother-in-law didn’t hear him.
– I didn’t hear him either! And after this joke, Mom actually almost died! Remember? Why are you silent?
«I remember,» Stepan answered gloomily. «She’s too impressionable for you. Let’s see how she reacts this time…
Stepan chuckled, then suddenly came to his senses, realizing that he had blurted out too much.
— And what will happen this time?.. – Masha tensed all over, then carefully looked into her husband’s eyes, grabbed him by the collar of his pajamas and began to shake him like a pear. – Come on, quickly admit it, what did you come up with this time?! Have you solved it at all?…
— Yes, everything will be fine … — Stepan said uncertainly and this only threw some firewood into the furnace.
— Speak up, now! Masha yelled at her husband. – Or I will definitely divorce you!
At this time, my cell phone rang. When she saw that her mother was calling, she grabbed the phone in fright and immediately heard a cheerful and very joyful voice.
— Masha, I received your message, and I congratulate you very much! I am very, very happy for you!
— What message? Masha looked suspiciously at her husband. – When did I send it to you?
— This morning, about half an hour ago. Is that right, Masha, it was necessary to decide on this for a long time?
— On what – on this? Masha didn’t understand.
— And for your divorce from this jerk!
Stepan perfectly heard this mother-in-law’s chatter, and his face fell with indignation. And Masha suddenly smiled strangely and shouted into the phone:
— What kind of divorce, Mom?! I didn’t send you anything like that! Our joker sent you an April Fool’s joke! And you didn’t understand and you’re happy…
— So this is a joke?.. — there was a pause in the phone. – A pity.
Then the beeps sounded…
Masha and Stepa didn’t get divorced that time, but… As people say: «Don’t wake up the devil while it’s quiet»!