old house

It’s time to divide the property

Vadim and Irina decided that it was better for them to divorce.

They never had children, and that’s probably why their marriage, even after twenty years of life, cracked at the seams.

– How will we divide the property? – the wife asked and slyly looked at her husband.

He frowned, thought for a while, then made something like a smile on his face and said:

– But we won’t. I think I’ll leave everything to you.

– Everything? – Irina looked into Vadim’s eyes with bewilderment. – Are you serious?

– Yes, – the husband nodded. – What’s the big deal?

– The whole apartment – to me alone?

– Well, yes…

– But you don’t have any other living space. Are you going to live in the country after the divorce?

– No, of course … – Vadim grinned.

– And where then?

– I don’t know yet. I’ll rent, and then… I’ll buy a private house on the outskirts of the city. Inexpensive.

– Ah… so you’ve thought about it more than once? – his wife muttered discontentedly. – Planned ahead?

– Sometimes I wondered…

– And with what will you buy a house? Irina frowned. – Will you sell your car?

– no. I’m leaving you the car, too.

– What do you mean, me? – – The wife was even more surprised. – You mean you’re going to leave everything to me? –

– yes. Everything-everything-everything.

– And the cottage?

– Yeah.

– And the garage.

– Well, of course.

– But why? Why on earth? All this is suspicious…

– There is nothing suspicious about this. I’m a man. And a man must first of all have honor and nobility. He must be above the material madness that has overwhelmed humanity. A man should remain a man in all situations.

– Are you crazy?! – Irina suddenly had a terrible worry on her face. – Now no one uses such words, but he remembered… Please stop pretending to be someone you don’t understand! Immediately descend from heaven to the sinful earth, otherwise I will call a psychiatric emergency room for you!

– Is this a joke? Vadik asked cheerfully.

– No, it’s not a joke! Irina answered menacingly. – I demand that we, as modern people, divide everything equally. So that later they wouldn’t point a finger at me, they wouldn’t whisper behind my back that I put you out on the street with a bare ass.

– Ira, – said the husband affectionately, – believe me, I don’t want to arrange all this stupid and low fuss with the division. Well, think about it yourself – first sell the apartment, then divide the money, buy new housing… no, fire me, take your apartment and bring anyone you want here tomorrow. Do you want me to move out today? Do you want to?

– My God! Irina screamed. – What are you saying?! Do you think I’m a woman with a heart of stone? And I can live happily ever after, knowing that my ex-husband is huddled in the slums? No, honey, let’s do this. If you don’t want to mess with the apartment, I’ll take it for myself, but you’ll get everything else.

– No! – Vadim poured Irina, but she continued to stand her ground.

– You will quickly sell the car with the cottage, since all this is new and expensive, and you will buy yourself a decent home. Then I will live in peace, without suffering from shame.

– Ira, stop it! – Vadim winced as if from a toothache. – Stop it now! You understand that my male gut will not allow me to do as you suggest.

– Why won’t it allow it?! – My wife suddenly got angry. – Are you better than everyone else? Do you remember what our friends Ivanovs did during the divorce? Remember?

– Horror … – Vadim grimaced. – It was a nightmare…

– Or the Semenovs. What a grand divorce they had!

“Don’t remind me of that!.. – Vadim even shuddered with disgust. – They still can’t agree who gets the coffee maker and who gets the coffee grinder.… Do you really want the same concert?

– I want us to share the property equally with you. Every penny is equal.

– No, honey, I can’t afford such a show. My heart will burst with shame… Ouch…

Vadik suddenly clutched his side, because his heart really hurt.

He immediately covered himself with cold sweat, closed his eyes in fright, grabbed his left side tightly with his palm, froze for a few seconds in this position, then somehow took a deep breath of air with his chest and … woke up.

The clock ticked loudly in the complete darkness. His wife was snuffling unpleasantly by his side, and Vadim instantly remembered that last night they had agreed to divorce her.

Finally realizing that all this nonsense – about the fact that he leaves all the property to his wife – he dreamed, he sighed with relief, turned over on the other side and whispered angrily:

– Now… I’ll leave you the whole apartment… I’ve been dreaming… let’s see who she will stay with at all… We will share everything… every penny…

And with these sweet thoughts, Vadim fell asleep again…


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