I do not know what happens in other families, but I have a very big problem: I cannot find a common language with my own mother. We are constantly fighting with her, we can’t find the point of contact. I don’t know how it got to the point that she doesn’t just piss me off, I can’t breathe the same air with her. More than anything, I want to leave home and never see her again. Never!
When I am in the same room with her, my mood deteriorates. I do not know what it is. As they say, all problems come from childhood. It really is.
I remember that resentment against her arose as a child. Her life turned out that she was not married. She met my father when he was married. She’s always been a lover. When she got pregnant, her father bought her an apartment and provided her with money. Thanks to my father, we didn’t need anything. This went on for several years, and then they broke up.
As a child, I saw my father very rarely, only once a month, or even twice. And it wasn’t he who was against our meetings, but she. I haven’t seen my dad for several years lately. All my life, my parents have been saying nasty things about each other, and I had to tear myself apart. What kind of child can stand it?
At the same time, dad came to me, and to mom with bags in which there were products, various goodies. And Mom, instead of thanking him, started saying nasty things. I don’t know why, but it was imprinted in my head that she was bad. It seems to me that it was then that I had a negative attitude towards my mother.
I spent all my childhood with my grandmother, and my mother appeared sometimes. When she was at home, she was never interested in my problems.
At every opportunity, she pushed me to the elderly. And how should I treat her? As long as I can remember, my grandmother took care of me. And then a great grief happened – my grandmother died. I was only 12 at the time. For me, the world has stopped. I had to live with my mother. These are the most terrible years of life. She was never interested in my problems.
Whatever happened to me, she didn’t care at all. I got the impression that she regretted giving birth to me, and did not have an abortion at the time. Although, without me, she wouldn’t have been able to pump money out of my father. I wouldn’t have my own apartment, but lived with my parents.
If I tried to find some consolation, I immediately said that it was nonsense and did not want to listen. I grew up a pretty calm child and didn’t create problems. I understood that I had someone to hope for. All my life I’ve been trying to please her. When my classmates went to the movies or dancing, I had to clean the house. She locked me at home, and I had to clean up. Meanwhile, she was walking somewhere. I’ve never had any girlfriends, she wouldn’t let me. And who wants to be friends with a girl whose mother is a psychopath. And then she would come home and give me these concerts if she didn’t like something.
When I graduated from high school, I had to go to work. She told me that I should help her. She treated me like I was a grown man. I have never heard a kind word addressed to me, only reproaches. As I grew up, I sometimes tried to refuse her some things. I have heard so many nasty things in my address that it is impossible to convey.
My mother started behaving just awful. Sometimes I thought our roles were reversed. And then there was a terrible incident in general. She seduced some youngster and got knocked up by him. Of course, she didn’t need to give birth, so she dragged me to the clinic with her to have an abortion. When I asked her that it was time to be responsible for her actions, she just laughed.
Now you can understand why I feel that way about her. She believes that she is a star and the whole world revolves around her. As if I can’t have my own problems. I can’t even talk to her properly, she’s acting like a teenager. If I try to talk to her normally, she starts accusing me of all the sins. That I took after my father, the same fool. How can you talk to such a person?
I’m trying to change my attitude towards her, but it’s not working out yet. I have her voice in my ears all the time, telling me nasty things. I understand that it shouldn’t be like this to hate your own mother. But I can’t change anything yet…