In a certain kingdom in a certain state, most likely in a parallel world, because our reality sometimes resembles a state of crooked mirrors, there was a king, for example, (although what does it matter who does not try on the crown). And he had three sons and the youngest was, of course, Ivan.
Again, as it should be, when the father-king wanted to make his sons alive, he went the way he had trodden through a fairy-tale ritual – he gave them an arrow where your arrow, fired from a bow, would fall — there is your fate and your wife. The older brothers did everything wisely, for a long time they had thought everything out and weighed everything about the dowry and the rating of brides and other things of all sorts and everything. Probably, they even came close to the goal, so as not to miss inadvertently.
The younger one was beating his ears, and did not even think about anything like that, and therefore treated the matter with all his usual carelessness — he just went out into a clear field and shot his arrow at random for luck. Of course, after that, he had to look for his arrow for a long time, until he came out to a swampy swamp. He looks at his arrow, and there’s some kind of frog swarming going on around it…I looked closely, but there’s a whole battle going on in the frog tribe, until the most lively one grabbed the arrow, simultaneously giving a kick with her hind leg to one and the second frog, right Bruce Lee clean, and shouted to Ivan Tsarevich.
— What are you looking at, take it in your hands quickly, otherwise there are so many pretenders to the princess formed … or do you need a harem?
Ivan did not want such happiness, quickly picked up the frog in his arms and was stunned when she herself kissed him on the lips and turned for a moment, probably for inspiration, so that he did not run away, then, into a fair-haired beauty with mischievous green eyes that seemed to look right into his very soul.
Naturally, there was a lot of laughter and all kinds of bullying from the older brothers, but it seemed cool to Ivan and three weddings were played at once by decree. Everything would be fine, but a family banquet was planned with the indispensable requirement that all three brothers must be with their wives. Ivan went to this cultural event with a heavy heart, but everything turned out much better at first than he expected.
The belated frog rolled in with a roar and thunder not at all on a box, as he announced at her urgent request, but on a red cool motorcycle. When the dashing rocker pulled off his helmet, a heavy wave of brown hair gushed onto his shoulders, the mischievous green eyes of the red maiden Vasilisa the Wise looked at everyone, the tsar-father himself involuntarily straightened up, the brothers pulled in their bellies and chest out like a wheel, Ivan blossomed here with happiness and pride.
Well, what can you say next, when the brothers’ overdressed wives next to Vasilisa look like wax dolls, in other words, they don’t look at all, despite the luxurious outfits and precious headdresses, when all eyes, that of the tsar, that of the brothers are only chained to her — she sings better, dances better and conversations are pleasant for everyone leads. It is unbearable from all sides! Ivan’s insidious women got drunk, whispered all sorts of things, and out of fear that such a beauty would leave such a fool, he ran headlong home and burned the frog skin.
Vasilisa’s eyes flashed with a green, sorrowful flame, Ivan Tsarevich did not really understand anything from her reproachful speech, except that he had made a big mistake, and explanations about some three pairs of iron boots, three loaves of iron bread in general put him in a stupor, as well as the fact that it was necessary to look for lyubushka far away. Only Ivan sobered up completely when Vasilisa turned into a swan and flew out the window, sat down and heavily twisted.
The light is not without kind people, they advised Ivan Tsarevich to go to Masha. Well, she was a gypsy by birth – tribe or not, but she understood all the gypsy skills, everywhere she was accompanied by a trained bear in a collar. And Masha scattered the cards and poured water into a crystal vase and rolled an egg on a saucer and sat in thought for a long time, and then said:
— It is necessary to go for Vasilisa the Wise far away, to Koshchei the Immortal. The way there is long and difficult and, although your frog is seven spans in the forehead, but without your diligence and your love nothing will work. And it turns out that I have to go with you, there is a precious chance to find my happiness here.
The word was followed by the deed, Ivan and Masha and the bear set off on a long and difficult journey, and how many adventures they had – that’s more than enough for a separate fairy tale. Meanwhile, Vasilisa was also not sitting idle, no wonder she was Koshchei’s daughter and was not going to give in to him in any way.
First of all, she seized on all sorts of magical subtleties to study with a vengeance, and to leaf through ancient and modern folios, finding out what Koshcheev’s evil power is, and the power is, and found out that his human fears, curses, hatred, anger and greed feed him. Vasilisa began to conduct subversive guerrilla work from the inside, communicating tirelessly with the people in the city, soldiers and servants in the gloomy castle of Koshchei. She threw off the dense dark curtains from the windows, scaring away hordes of spiders along the way, instead of some light glamorous curtains with frills and bows hung, flowers everywhere poked — ugh, you’re a disgrace…
— It’s time to think about your health, you’re not taking care of yourself, daddy. I realized now what my daughter’s duty is to love you, take care of you and take care of you, Only, being a frog, I realized how much I love you, you are my only one, my dear father. Now everything will be completely different.
— I’m an immortal… — Koshchei sluggishly kicked back.
— That’s why you need to think even more about how you will live forever. That’s what you eat, what kind of unsanitary conditions you live in. I’ll take care of you now.
And she kept her word. She began to show such vigilant care, so comprehensive. Breakfast lunch and dinner were served strictly by the hour. Every day there were lectures about healthy food and a healthy lifestyle. The diet was strict — porridge, cottage cheese, salads, all the most useful and dietary. Even salt and sugar were outlawed, and it was impossible to even think about calmly smoking a pipe or popping a mug of beer.
Thick books about healthy eating were read to Koshchei incessantly.. Harmful products — fried meat with cholesterol and other delights, now poisoned prisoners in casemates, who soon ate decent ryakhs and cheerfully rattled chains. Paul Bragg and no less authoritative works of all sorts of scientists, who came from nowhere, went into action here.
Before eating, it was necessary to wash your hands with soap. And these terrible baths, which washed away the protective mud layer at Koshchei and he began to look rather pale. And what was the cost of this stupid therapeutic gymnastics with an indispensable run in the morning along the wall of the boor for the laughter of the whole city. And these taste disgusting, but such useful herbal decoctions, and … yes, a lot more!
Vasilisa carried an umbrella over Koshchei in any weather, with an anxious face endlessly blew dust particles off him, etc., etc. And these pathogenic microbes, which are innumerable everywhere, and myriads of all sorts of terrible diseases, and the harm of anger, excitement and all sorts of other emotions! And, the most disgusting thing — the corridors and rooms were flooded with quite high-quality holograms of angels, white fluffy rabbits, hearts, flowers. Koschei really began to feel very bad. After an exciting reading of all kinds of medical reference books, he began to listen to himself and, naturally, find symptoms of all diseases in himself. He was not up to all sorts of atrocities.
— Poor Koshchei is so immortal and so sick… — it was read in the eyes of the servants and soldiers, heard in conversations, or did it already seem to him? It was simply impossible to continue living like this!
And it is not surprising at all in the light of recent events, there was Koshchei’s joy from the news that Ivan Tsarevich had arrived in the city, despite all the hardships of the way. The travelers pitched a tent in the square. Masha guessed, sang, beat a tambourine, the bear danced, Ivan showed acrobatic numbers and shot at targets with a bow. That’s how they lived, but for some reason they were in no hurry to visit the castle. Koshchei became nervous and took drastic measures — he solemnly handed Vasilisa to Ivan Tsarevich.
The malicious Vasilisa sobbed like at a funeral, how now the beloved and sick daddy will remain alone. Poor Koshchei was twitching, but he was adamant — a wife should live with her husband, and he himself is here with loyal servants. A huge pile of instructions, recommendations, schedules, methods, warnings was solemnly handed over to the unfortunate. Koschei rolled his eyes to the sky, promising to do everything, but secretly dreaming of such a good, cheerful campfire for this stuff.
When he managed to slam the door with a decent iron bolt behind Vasilisa, to pin a heavy pedestal for greater fidelity, (after all, three times the restless returned, wailing, covering him with kisses, with a request to allow her to stay and, according to the intensity of passionate drama, each time was brighter than the other)…Koschei raised his eyes to the sky and quite unexpectedly for himself … crossed himself!
Our happy heroes set off on their way back and then it dawned on Ivan Tsarevich:
«Masha, but you didn’t find your happiness, and no one looked at you in the city.»
Unable to stand it, the bear roared in a completely human voice:
«-Her happiness is next to her…..Vasilisa, honey, take off the collar, disenchant me, and then fie on her – a fortune-teller like a psychic was looking for, she doesn’t see her betrothed in front of her nose, it was worth stomping far away because of this!»
Vasilisa the Wise took off the collar from the bear and he turned into a handsome man. Everyone returned to their state and began to live and make good money and make friends with families firmly.Good luck and prosperity to them, and to us at the same time.